Year of the Rats

Out With A Whimper

2008-08-13T09:26:00.003+08:00

Hi.

Remember four months ago when I updated this blog after an ummm... two month absence? No? I don't blame you. I'd say you can just look right below and check it out, but don't do that. You'll just see another in a long line of empty promises where I say I'll do something, and then I find myself taking a 1/3 of a year facebook break.

I promised an end to this blog. A final chapter so to speak. It's been more than laziness... I've really been unable to write this. I just don't know how to sum it all up in any worthwhile way.

I could fill in the blanks on what went down at the end - in that mysterious period between Shenyang and when I got home, but that's already old news. (Besides, it wasn't really all that exciting - a lot of goodbyes, a little bit of crying (not me though, cuz I'm mad tough)).

I could provide a recap - like a clip show or something. But I've always hated clip shows and felt like they just were filler. Besides, this is a blog, you can read it all in like five minutes if you were so inclined (and by all means, do).

So no. What can I do to really close out Year of the Rats the way it deserves to be finished?

Well, if I could blow up the internet, believe me, I would.

Instead, I'll start with a very long list of thank yous.

To Louis, Tommy, Beme, Harry, VCD, Aaron, Kirsty, Laura, Vicky, Bianca, John, Aarty, Simon, Marie, Winnie, the DVD girl, the hostess and wait staff of the Local, Snow, Archie, Grandma and Grandpa, Gil, Matt, Marian, James, my C13 class, James Bond, Strong, Cheryl, Mel, Kim, Matt, the other DVD guy, Tiffany, Jesse, I-55.

I'm sure Corey would agree, and remind me of other people I missed on the list. So I'm sorry to whoever (whoMever) I forgot. I thank you as well, just you know.. without actually remembering to.

So the thank yous are out of the way.

My year in China was a lot of things, but all in all, it was a fascinating, exciting, and often funny experience that I wouldn't trade for anything (except maybe a restaurant in New York that has North Eastern Chinese Cuisine - that'd be a good trade right there).

Speaking of home, it feels a lot... tamer now. That's probably not the word I'm looking for here though. I love New York, but god damn do I find myself missing China.

I've been watching the Olympics and listening to the blabbering on the TV, and wishing people actually knew what the hell they were talking about. I'm not defending anything, and I'm not getting into politics here. Besides, that's not the China I experienced (no tanks ever tried to roll over me... phew!)

I experienced a China filled with people who had hopes for so much more than they had. And unfortunately, in many cases, their hopes led them to a classroom led by me. How horrifying.

The job was never the reason I went. I went for the experience, plain and simple. The fact that I wound up loving the job was an extremely nice byproduct though. The kids were extremely hilarious, and made every day interesting (this is of course written nearly six months later where in hindsight nothing was ever boring.... riiiiight). One of Corey's kids actually puked when he got called on by her for an answer. Don't think that ever made it to the blog. Consider this your blooper reel.

So I'm rambling. But at least I'm writing. And this will be the last you hear from me.

About my year in China at least. I'm writing other stuff, which you can see at www.shawnabraham.com, and Corey as you know, is taking pictures of other stuff (at www.coreytorpie.com), so check those out and stay semi-up-to-date.

I'm not done with China though. I'll be back. I wish I could say when, but then I'd lose my open ending here... the kind of ending that leaves you thinking... about something or other.

I'll be back, and I'm sure the place will look nothing like how I remember it - especially considering the insane rate of growth. Hell, the DMZ will probably be a 43 story mall by the time I return to Dalian.

But at least I'll always have... the year of the rats.

Ha... I'm not really going out like that. Toooooo cheesy.

Thank you for reading this blog, and being interested in what I had to say. If anyone has any questions, feel free to post them here, today, tomorrow or next year. They'll go to my email, and I will respond. A blog like this was the only tool I could find when I was looking for information on Dalian before I left, so I know what it's like.

And I know how much fun you're going to have. (Yes you, person who is reading this blog eight months from now in the hopes that something online will give you a descent idea of what the hell Dalian is like - or what China is really like (and no don't listen to Bob Costas).

Sorry I took so long to write this, especially cuz this rambling was definitely not worth the wait, but at least I got to say goodbye, in a nice and wordy manner.

So until next time,

再见

- Shawn Abraham (and Corey Torpie)

(Nothing says goodbye like a horrifyingly bad KTV picture - aaaaaaaaand I'm gone)

Two Months Later: After the Jetlag

2008-04-22T04:09:00.005+08:00

Forgive me readers, for I have sinned. It has been a two whole months since I last posted on this blog. And let me tell you, a bit has happened since then.

The biggest news of course, is that Corey and I are home now. Our year in China ended at the end of February, and was followed up by a fantastic trip through South East Asia.

I apologize for not keeping the internets up to date with the final few days in China, which were amazing. Things just started happening so damn fast, that I couldn't catch up, and never had time to catch my breath in that "I'm gonna go blog" sort of way.

In the days since we've been home, I've found that there have been a lot more people reading this blog than I ever could have imagined, and to anybody who I didn't lose over the course of a two month hiatus, I want to thank everyone who checked out this blog. Friends, family, and the guy who randomly typed Dalian into google and hit search.

What's a Dalian, anyway?

This post marks the beginning of the end for this blog. I have one or two more things planned before I officially close the books on The Year of the Rats, so stay tuned to a few more pictures, and tear inducing reflections on the most amazing experience of my life.

- Shawn

Shenyang or, How Presidents' Day Ruined My Monday

2008-02-21T10:38:00.003+08:00

One of the weirder things about my stay in China is how the number of Chinese Visas in my passport has grown exponentially. Five Visas in one year when I never actually left the country (except for stupid Hong Kong, which I could have sworn was in China) is pretty impressive.

So those five visas coupled with the stamps I've collected over the years have left my passport mighty full. It's a nice thing really, and I've grown strangely attached to the little blue book. So much so that I just can't wait to get some new big bad visas in it from my upcoming jaunt through South East Asia.

The only problem, is that my passport doesn't have enough pages.

Enter the U.S. Consulate in Shenyang, China. This branch of the embassy located a mere four hours away from Dalian by train offers the super cool service of adding in new pages. So with an email sent to double check when they were open, Corey and I hoped a train to the capitol of Liaoning Province (home to Dalian).

Shenyang itself is... uninspiring. Dirty, crowded, and dirty. But maybe I'm just being an ass for no reason.

We make our way to the embassy and are confounded when the gates are closed. There are no Americans or signs in English explaining why the place was shut.

I managed to use what little Chinese I've accumulated to ask the guard what was up, and he responded with a courteous (but a bit snarky I'd say) "Ming tian". Tomorrow. Not what you want to hear after you spent four hours on a rather uncomfortable train.

Wei shen mo? Why?

I'm sure he gave me a legitimate explanation, but as they say... it was like he was speaking Chinese or something.

Another American dude rolled up to the Consulate with his Chinese Girlfriend/Prostitute in tow and after he talked to the guard, he explained to us that it was Presidents' Day.

What? Really? I did email the consulate. They could have bothered to tell me that when they say they're open Monday-Wednesday, that doesn't include the upcoming Monday.

I mean, who celebrates Presidents' Day anyway?

- Shawn

Harbin... It's Cold

2008-02-15T08:29:00.008+08:00

Sorry for not posting this sooner. I'll just cover by saying that I've been battling frostbite for the past few days.

Harbin is cold. Really, really cold. I went in hearing all the hype of how terrifyingly freezing it's supposed to be, and prepared myself accordingly. I even grew a massive beard the likes of which hadn't been seen since the days after Al Gore lost the election in 2000.

The funniest part of this is that when we actually made it to the icy northern city of Harbin, it was in the middle of a heatwave. So by all accounts, it was pretty nice there.

Still miserably cold.

Thank god for wonders of facial hair. I have no idea how Corey survived.

So why bother going to a place as miserable as the link between China and Siberia?

The answer is the magnificent ice festival, which is truly one of the more remarkable things I've ever seen. They build gigantic replicas of buildings out of ice, and it really is impressive.

Before we get to the ice festival, the city itself isn't too bad. Its Russian ties have left Harbin with some nice architecture, including an old Church, and even a Synagogue or two.

After checking out the "city", we crossed a nice and thoroughly frozen river to get to the snow festival - the scrawny, less hyped up, little brother of the Ice Festival.

Still, despite the lack of press, the smaller sibling proved to be a scrappy fighter indeed, boasting some pretty impressive snow work. It had hundreds of snow sculptures, some designed by international teams, and proved once and for all that American made snowmen... suck.

We got up nice and early the next day to make sure that we had time to hit the Harbin Tiger Park. Much like the Dalian Zoo, visitors can pay for their bloodlust and get a find variety of animals to be fed to the tigers - just on a much, much larger scale.

It was awesome.

The next stop was the Japanese Germ Warfare Museum, which really helped get to the heart of exactly why the Chinese hate them so damn much.

But finally, it was time for the Ice Festival... words won't really do it justice, and the pictures will just come close.

If you really wanna experience it properly, you should take your laptop outside, blow these pictures to as big as they get, and then while it's freezing cold, run a cold hose over yourself.

Still though, you probably won't enjoy it as much, so you might as well just hop on the next flight to Harbin.

Or check these pictures out. Indoors. That works too...

Stay warm,
Shawn

Superbowl Monday and the Chinese New Year

2008-02-07T16:03:00.000+08:00

The past two and a half weeks have been hell. Corey and I worked for nineteen consecutive days without a day off, but with that behind us, we rolled right into the pre-game for the Chinese New Year. Not a bad way to unwind.

Matt Herman, who astute readers may remember visited China once before, showed up in Dalian just in time for the Superbowl, which thanks to the time difference was on at 7:00 AM Monday morning. Being the good Americans that we were, we got up nice and early and made sure to be there to root for our home turf in the form of the New York Giants.

The game was being shown at only one bar in town. Bobo's Bar is a small place owned by a small Chinese dude named... well... Bobo. I don't really know what I expected in the early morning festivities, but I have to say that I was more than a little surprised by just how shady an operation China is still capable of pulling off. The game was shown on an illegal stream of the game being buffered through the bar's computer. The only downside was that the computer wasn't connected to the sound system, so the entire game (and the wonderful, wonderful commercials) were enjoyed while listening to a hilarious mix of 80's Pop, Weezer, and trance.

Still though, it was a great game that featured the trouncing of a New England team that no one thought could be beat. Couple that with a few early morning TsingTaos, and you've got a good start to your day.

The rest of Matt's short visit was highlighted by the purchase of a 520 RMB (after bargaining of course) box of fireworks to get a good head start on the Spring Festival festivities.

The box was massive, and after we blew it up that night, we were all in agreement that it was money damn well spent.

I would love to attach the video of the MASSIVE explosions that ensued, but YouTube is acting screwy, and Blogger's own video uploading tool is painfully slow.

For those of you with a Facebook account, check out the video HERE.

It blew up real good.

After Matt had left, we geared up for the actual start of Spring Festival. The Chinese New Year was brought in with some real style, and some really loud explosions to boot.

Again, I apologize for the lack of easily accessible videos, but I think the following series is worth a look:

ESCAPE FROM THE DMZ

ESCAPE FROM THE DMZ II

ESCAPE FROM THE DMZ III

MIDNIGHT IN THE DMZ

Really, video is the closest you can get to understanding just how insane it was. Things were exploding left and right, and the night was lit up with fireworks in all directions. Easily one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.

Next up for the Spring Festival holiday is a trip up north to Harbin, the city that hosts the annual Ice Festival. I've been growing a massive beard for well over a month. We'll see how it holds up in the freezing cold.

Lastly, this new year is actually the Year Of The Rat, which is leading me to debut a spectacular new Label on these posts. These posts signify the beginning of the end of our stay in China, and this blog as well. We will be leaving China in less than a month.

But don't worry... we're saving some of the best stuff for last.

Happy Year of the Rat,
- Shawn

Remember That Crazy Teacher You Used To Have?

2008-01-14T17:44:00.000+08:00

Well I afraid I'm slowly turning into him.

I don't want to chalk it up to being here too long, or teacher-itis as I've taken to calling it, but some of my lessons have been getting more and more... bizarre.

I got to teach body parts to my C5 class, and had them label up a body. Sure I could have drawn something on the board, but that's just... boring.

Stretching my C4 student's creativity while having them practice... well, I'm not really sure... I had them concoct fantastic machines complete with accurate directions written in English.

But what kind of teacher would I be if I didn't provide them with a solid example first?

(I apologize to all my elementary school teachers for my penmanship. I also apologize to my students.)

A good reviewing game to play whilst drilling the kiddies is the "Ladder Man Game", where two teams have to race their stick man up the ladder on the board by correctly answering questions (and resisting the temptation to speak Chinese, which will undoubtedly cause their stick man to take an unfortunate tumble off of the ladder).

It wasn't my idea to name one of the stick men Mr. W.C., but I was willing to roll with it.

Oh yeah, and he won.

As an early gift for the holiday season, I brought in a special time waster... did I say time waster? I meant treat, for my highest level class. Their English was so good, I figured I'd reward them.

By bringing in my Wii.

I did make sure they did all their trash talking in English though.

And that's only the stuff I've documented.
- Shawn

A Very Beijing New Year

2008-01-08T13:22:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone, and a happy 2008 to you all!

This New Years, Corey and I headed to Beijing to meet up with a motley assortment of our friends who were all passing through China for a variety of reasons. It was great to see them all after such a long time, and it was great to be back in Beijing.

December 31, 2007

Our first day was spent rehashing our last Beijing trip, as we showed our friends around Tienanmen Square, the Forbidden City, and the Ho Hai Hutongs.

Even though we'd done it all a few months earlier, it was nice to revisit. There were even a few changes - especially at The Forbidden City.

For instance:

The Forbidden City now seems to be sponsored by American Express.

And the very out of place Forbidden City Starbucks has been shut down and replaced with an inferior quality Chinese knockoff. (Probably for the best though... that Starbucks was a little much).

We also enjoyed a fine New Year's dinner of Peking Duck. There were no epic celebrations that evening though, since we had a big bad hike along the Great Wall planned for the following day.

So with bottles of water in hand, we watched the clock turn to midnight. (And Corey ceremoniously dropped a rubber ball she had in her pocket).

New Years Eve ended for us at approximately 12:05. Crazy, I know.

January 1, 2008

New Years day started bright and early as we began on a hike from the Jinshaling section of the Great Wall to the Simatai portion. (Elephant brained readers may recall that we did Simatai last time, although this was a different part of Simatai... the more you know...)

The Great Wall is really a thing of beauty that can never really be explained, or properly captured in pictures as far as I'm concerned. I've been blown away every time I've seen it, and covered with snow, and friends that I've known for years, the wall was all the better for it this time around.

We also celebrated EST New York New Years on the wall with a fine bottle of champagne. I can think of far worse ways to spend New Years.

January 2, 2008

Sore from the day before, and saying farewell to the majority of our friends who were in town, this day was taken a fair bit slower. We checked up on the construction of the Olympic Stadium (after being dropped off by our Taxis in the middle of the highway). Very nifty if I do say so myself...

The afternoon was spent hunting down Falafel (mmm... falafel), and then that evening, we checked out a performance of the Beijing Acrobatic Troupe. Pretty cool, but nothing I couldn't do myself really.

January 3, 2008

The last day in Beijing was an eventful one, as we made sure to knock a few more Beijing landmarks off the proverbial list. First up was Chairman Mao's mausoleum. I wish I would have been able to take pictures, because it was really one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. And I've seen jerkied rats on a stick. You head into his mausoleum (or should I say Mao-soleum) and there he is, lying in a glass case covered by a red sickle and hammer flag. Admission is free, as I'm sure he would have liked... but then there's the gift shop... which would probably made him tear out what little hair he had left. All the Mao kitsch you could probably want... mere feet away from his pickled body. Oh, China.

Afterwards we went to the Temple of Heaven which along with playing host to a lively and fun park, was quite the temple itself. Well worth a visit next time you're in the capital of the People's Republic.

Lunch followed, and it involved Donkey Dumplings and these caramelized potatoes that were almost too sweet. Almost.

We visisted the Lama temple (no Llamas unfortunately) which was cool, and then completed our visit with a bargaining bonanza at the Silk Markets (see a few posts down... I got to do it all!), and farewell Beijing burritos.

Then it was time to hop our night train and head back for Dalian.

Happy New Year!
- Shawn

The Dalian Rock Scene

2007-12-30T18:06:00.000+08:00

We're mere hours away from catching a night train to Beijing for New Years, but I figured I'd leave you all with a cool post to tide you over as you wait with bated breath for our return.

One thing I was pretty sure I'd go the year without, was a rock scene. Now, while one show does not a scene make, we were at an awesome concert the other night with a great lineup of local bands. Punk bands, metal bands, hardcore death metal bands, and some just plain... strange bands.

It was at a benefit concert to save the Black Bears, and while they ain't Panda Bears, it's no less of a good cause.

So here you go... feel free to rock out or plug your ears as necessary, and I'll see everyone next year!

Clip One: Hardcore Death Metal Band

Clip Two: A Strange, Strange Fusiony Thing

Clip Three: Metal

Clip Four: Punk

Rock out!
- Shawn

Tis the season... for Bargaining!

2007-12-25T15:57:00.000+08:00

Bargaining. It's more than just a neat addition to your shopping experience here in China, it's a must in every transaction or purchase you make. Especially as a foreigner who has a huge "rip me off sign" on your head.

So here, hot on the heels of Hanukkah and just in time for Christmas, Year Of The Rats proudly presents: The Official Year Of The Rats Guide To Bargaining In China.

It's not as easy as some make it seem, but it isn't as difficult as some will have you believe. There are a few basic tactics that are worth trying, and all have the possibility of saving you more than just a few RMB in the process.

TECHNIQUE 1: Down And Up
Haggling over even a few RMB can be important. Don't let them charge you even one yuan more than you want to pay, otherwise you're officially their bitch. They go down, you go up, and you find a happy medium that leaves you with your kitschy piece of crap you didn't even want in the first place.

TECHNIQUE 2: Chop it in half
Conventional wisdom will tell you that you should take the prices offered to you at touristy spots and instantly chop them in half. This will lead to some price haggling, and you're guaranteed to save yourself some dough this way. My only problem with Technique 1 is that it isn't NEARLY drastic enough. Seriously only half? If they give you some outrageous price, give them one right back. Haggle, haggle, haggle and you could settle at the chopped in half price, or if you're lucky - even lower.

TECHNIQUE 3: Walk Away
Simple yet effective: bargain for a bit, then say no thanks and walk away. Upon your return (a significant amount of time later - but minutes here, not days) the seller is almost guaranteed to loosen their purse strings for ya!

TECHNIQUE 4: Feigned Indignation
This is one of my favorites, and is best used in conjunction with any of the techniques listed here. When they give you a price you don't like, act like they just insulted your grandmother. You want me to pay WHAT?

TECHNIQUE 5: Laugh It Up
This is a difficult one considering the language barrier, but doable with even a minuscule knowledge of Chinese. Joke around with the seller. If they're telling you something is expensive because it's big, tell them it's TOO big. (Tai Da Le!) If they're telling you it's expensive because it's old, tell them it's TOO old! Why should you be expected to shell out primo Mao bucks for some dusty old treasure... I mean piece of crap. Be careful though. Know who you're unleashing this tactic on, for some people, this is no laughing matter. It's money we're talking about here.

TECHNIQUE 6: Down And Down
The opposite to technique number one is the most difficult and advanced one. I've only tried it a few times, but its led to such colossal failures that I've had to mask it as a joke (see technique 5). Still though, I hear this is doable and has yielded VERY successful results for people. But I must beg you to use caution with this strategy. You give a price (a reasonable one), and then they go down a little bit. This is standard haggling (see technique 1) but here's where it differs... you don't give an inch. Instead, you go lower. The seller's initial response to this gambit is essential. If they flinch for a second, you have them. Feign as much disgust and indignation as you can as support (technique 4) and laugh it up with them if you can (technique 5)... or play it serious like the game of chess that this is about to become. The lower they go, the lower you go. Keep an eye on what they're saying and when they start to get fed up, and pounce when they've gone lower than the magic number you've settled on in your head. Who knows, you could have overestimated in your planning, and wind up something for far cheaper than you ever could have imagined.

Hope you enjoy, and hope this helps.

Happy Holidays and much love!
- Shawn

Midterms Again

2007-12-03T07:58:00.000+08:00

Midterms are an exciting time of the year over here. So exciting aparantly, that some parents will hover in the windows to the exam room and try and snap pictures of their kids struggling at English.

Extra pressure aside, this round of midterms means a lot of things: including the daunting realization that our stay in China is starting to wrap up. It's strange, because despite how long we've been here, it's pretty upsetting to think that we're going to be leaving soon.

Regardless, torturing little children with exams means that it's time again to turn the floor over to you, our Year of the Rats reading audience. This will possibly be the last time we'll be able to do something like this, since I have no idea how hectic things will get around finals time.

So post some questions for Corey or I. We'll do our best to respond right back, or even reply with an overly long post of its own.

See you in the comments section,
Shawn

Qingdao

2007-11-22T08:53:00.000+08:00

As soon as the weekend was behind us, Corey and I (along with Aarty and Simon) boarded a plane for Qingdao - the Chinese city known for it's beaches, open seas, German architecture and most importantly: the TsingTao beer brewery.

During the German occupation of Qingdao, they founded the TsingTao brewery in the early 1900's, and introduced the wonders of beer to China. It's clear that the Chinese haven't looked back since, and TsingTao (pronounced CHINGDAO, for all you cats at home) still remains the flagship beer here in the People's Republic.

Before we left for Qingdao, our Chinese coworkers told us that Qingdao would be similar in many ways to Dalian. It was on the beach, and it was of a size similar to our own.

Well, they got their two reasons correct, but Qingdao was really nothing at all like Dalian. It was a warm (feelings, not climate) and friendly place, with unique architecture, and a welcoming vibe that is sometimes missing from Dalian.

Our Hostel was in an old converted church in the heart of Qingdao's old city - which at many times made me forget I was in China (besides the ever-present sounds of hacking up spit left and right.)

The first sight we hit up was the German Guesthouse, a former residence of German bureaucrats that even housed Chairman Mao for a while. His bed was on display as well, seemingly untouched and uncleaned since the time he stayed there.

From there, we meandered around the area, winding up in a rickety revolving observatory where we got some pretty good views of the city.

We walked down to the waterfront (which unlike Dalian is covered in beautiful sandy beaches), and even got to witness a nutjob going for a swim (something that is actually fairly common in the winter months over here).

Then it was time for the brewery! We headed to the Qingdao brewery and found ourselves on the epic "Beer Street" where everything was decorated to match the theme.

The brewery tour itself was interesting enough, although it did house some very... twisted... artifacts from the German era. Very, very twisted, especially if you're reading inbetween the lines. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it.

The highlight by far was a hilarious "Tipsy Room" that made you feel instantly drunk when you walked in.

We enjoyed some free (as in not free, but included in admission) tiny cups of TsingTao and went on our merry way.

The next day, we visited the Catholic Church (once named St. Michael's, now just "The Catholic Church), which was surprisingly large and apparently still in use. There is a very strange Catholic Chinese community here in China. A few of the Chinese Teachers at our school are Catholic, but when asked they seem to know little to nothing about their chosen religion. Strange, but nothing a giant church shouldn't fix.

We spent the rest of our last day wandering around Qingdao, winding up by the beach front again.

While walking along the water, we were treated to a scene straight out of Miami beach. A bunch of men in speedos playing Volleyball. The only difference was that it was freezing cold, and on the other side of the world from Miami.

On our way back to the hostel, we strolled through a market and of course got to enjoy watching people cook (or maybe just straight up eat) live scorpions. Mmmmm. Good to know the German influences don't run TOO deep here.

'til next time, I'll be drinking a TsingTao or three for all of you out there,
Shawn

Wo She Yotai Ren

2007-11-15T18:30:00.000+08:00

Another quick shot for the blog here. It's worth commenting that whenever I bring up the fact that I'm Jewish to pretty much anyone in China, I get the same reaction: a shocked facial expression, coupled with a "WHAAAAAAAT???"

I know. Me, Jewish? Who would have thought huh?

Anyways, the same comments always follow as well. Some remark about how we're practically brothers. Because you see, the Jews are regarded by the Chinese as one of the smartest groups of people on the planet (Einstein always gets name dropped about now, he's the only other Jew they know besides me now). Then, I get told that we're practically brothers (because of the similar genius of the Chinese), and they continue excitedly about how they couldn't believe I was Jewish.

Maybe because they thought I was retarded or something.

So my Jewish brethren would seem to rank number two on China's "Smartest Ethnic Stereotypes" List. Right behind the Chinese naturally.

Other moderately funny related tidbit # 1: Pork in Chinese is Zhou Rou (Pronounce Jew Ro)
Other moderately funny related tidbit # 2: Apparently Hitler in Chinese is Shitler. Apparently.

I'm off to rub my beard in deep thought,
Shawn

* And for those wondering, the title of this post is indeed "I'm a Jew" in Chinese. You learn something new every day!

11/11

2007-11-12T17:03:00.000+08:00

Just a quick note here. This one is especially for everyone who bemoans Valentine's Day back home as being unfair to all the singles left alone. Well, China has the answer for you: Singles' Day!

Chosen to take place on November Eleventh due to the high concentration of ones in the date, I am told this is a day where the single men and women are celebrated... with drink specials at Chinese clubs and bars.

Happy Singles Day to all you lonely hearts out there,
Shawn

Bringing Halloween to the Masses

2007-11-04T06:34:00.000+08:00

Despite nonsensical and puritanical controversies, Halloween is an innocent and fun holiday celebrated throughout the western world. And as with all other things western, Halloween is slowly showing its carved pumpkin face here in the People's Republic.

There are a few shops that sell masks, and there was even a Jack O' Lantern display causing a significant amount of head scratching confusion in one of Dalian's larger malls.

We foreign teachers at Future 2 all decided it would be a great cultural mini-event if we took the last hour of our day last Sunday and dedicated it to a Halloween Party of sorts.

Despite the shocking amount of unexpected kids showing up, the party was a success, and had a few classic games with a neat little Chinese twist.

Of course there was Bobbing for Apples (But with Chinese pears for some reason... BIANCA!)

Gross digging through worm noodles (with Chopsticks.)

And a mummy wrap (with ummm... Chinese toilet paper.)

And of course, Corey and I both rocked China inspired costumes. Corey was half of a dead Chinese couple (noted by the ever stylish matching shirts).

And I paid homage to my students by representing the Dalian Primary School Uniform.

And yeah, I got laughed at a lot.

Happy Belated Halloween Everyone!
- Shawn

Yangshuo and the Longji Rice Terraces

2007-11-01T22:08:00.001+08:00

Yangshuo, China

Rice Patties
Yangshuo, China

Saturday market
Longsheng, China

Longji Rice Terraces
Ping'an Village, China

Longji Rice Terraces, China

Miao minority women
Longji Rice Terraces, China

Enjoy the pics, Shanghai is up next!
-Corey

Hong Kong and Macau

2007-10-31T19:48:00.001+08:00

Macau, China

Lantau Island
Hong Kong, China

Seated Buddha in Lantau
Hong Kong, China

Hong Kong, China

Tsim Sha Tsui
Hong Kong, China

Hong Kong, China

Moped Protest
Macau, China

Macau, China

Hong Kong, China

Peng Chau Island
Hong Kong, China

Dragon Boat on Peng Chau Island
Hong Kong, China

Peng Chau Island
Hong Kong, China

I just got mugged... for my leftovers.

2007-10-25T17:11:00.000+08:00

Portions at Chinese restaurants are sized to share. It's really great, but when you're only going to lunch with one other person, you're guaranteed to have leftovers. Often enough for a whole 'nother meal. This afternoon, Corey and I decided to take our leftovers to go since there was an extra large amount left.

We were walking down the street, and rendezvoused with a coworker. We were chatting and what not when I feel a tug on my bag of food. I turn around to see a near-toothless old man pulling at my bag. Confusion sets in, but it only gets worse when a woman (my guess is his daughter or something) starts speaking rather loudly and agitatedly at me in Chinese, gesturing that I should be giving my food to this man.

Thoroughly confused, I have no idea what to do. On the one hand, I'm all for giving my food to a (potentially) homeless man. He needs it WAY more than I do, it's a non issue. But then there is his daughter who is now pretty much yelling at me. Do I say no?

The decision is made from me when she just yanks the food out of my hand, and the two of them frolic down the street with my... err.. their lunch.

I could have said no. I could have made a scene. I could have yanked my food back, but really I just didn't know how to react to something like this. If it was just him, this would have been a non event, but really what happened was that my food was removed from my hands by someone so they could eat it themselves. No attempt was made to bridge the communication gap. She could have tried to make me understand the situation, but there was no concern there. No bother. She wanted my food, so she took it. I mean, there was no reason for her to assume that they were leftovers to be honest. They could have just as easily been my takeaway lunch.

As they walked away, Corey, Vicky (my coworker) and I were pretty stunned. I mean, it wasn't scary. It wasn't dangerous. It was just... weird. I mean, who does that?

I'm not sure how I feel about this, or how I'm supposed to feel either. Just... strange.

- S

Whirlwind China II: Shanghai

2007-10-25T07:29:00.000+08:00

And now without further ado... the much delayed conclusion to Whirlwind China II.

We boarded a plane for Shanghai in Guilin with only a limited awareness that a typhoon was currently rocking the Chinese coastline. However, near the end of our flight, we became very aware of the weather. The plane hit mild turbulence that never seemed to want to stop. The shaking continued for a while, but that was nothing compared to the point where we hit an air pocket and the plane dropped a couple of hundred feet. As if that wasn't enough, the plane was now filled with crying, screaming and praying passengers - which can only make a bad situation more stressful. We began our approach into Shanghai, but approximately 500 feet from the tarmac (the ground was very much in sight) we felt the plane begin to pull up. The next thing we knew, the wheels were retracting. An aborted landing on top of the turbulence and near fall was not reassuring to me, my Lucky Jade Buddha, or the two girls frantically praying in the next aisle. Still shaking, the plane made it's way to Pudong International Airport, and a bumpy but safe landing. We were finally on the ground.

The next day we were still caught in the aftermath of the typhoon. It was raining, but not too terribly. We went to check out the Jade Buddha Temple (no relation to the Lucky Jade Buddhas on our necks). It was one of the more spectacular temples I've seen here, and extra impressive was that it was in the middle of a massive, modern metropolis. (There I go again with that classy alliteration.)

Temples like these are not known simply for there ornate decorations. They all boast vegetarian restaurants to compliment their monks' diets. With some positive encouragement from Corey, we checked out the restaurant at the Jade Buddha Temple. Needless to say we were a little... confused... by the menu...

In the end, it turned out to simply be tofu or bean substitute, but that really doesn't make the wording any less funny. It was good though. Surprisingly good.

After the temple, the weather took a turn for the worse and the rain picked up again. We spent a good chunk of the evening soaking wet trying to make it to the sacred ground of TGI Friday's. Three cases of hypothermia later, we made it. And we all know how worth it that was.

The next day brought with it no sign of the typhoon, and with the sun shining, we made our way to the neighboring water town of Zhouzhuang. Billed as the best of the water towns, we were all excited to see a part of what Marco Polo referred to as "The Venice of the East". When we got there, it was something else entirely. Sure, there were canals, and it was nice-ish. But Zhouzhuang had become a cesspool of disgusting consumerism with nothing but aggravated hawkers trying to get us to buy the same crap that the store right next to them had.

The food situation was even worse though...

Every restaurant in the town boasted the same spectacularly bad menu, leading us to wonder if there wasn't one massive kitchen under the water that served up disgusting "Rural Chicken" and other such favorites. We did get to see a turtle being ripped open, so at least we knew it was fresh.

I shouldn't rag too hard on Zhouzhuang though. Despite the annoying commerciality (not a real word it would appear) of the place that ruined the entire day, we did find one most excellent shop.

When traveling with my parents, we were often subjected to tourist trap "silk factories" or "jade factories" or "whatever the crap factories". That's the price you pay for tours it would seem. The bus we took to Zhouzhuang was technically a Chinese tour bus, so we were lucky enough to be able to show Matt what a "silk factory" looked like. The only thing was that this was 100% more ridiculous than the ones we were taken too with my family. Sure there was the 10 second demonstration on how silk is made, but then, we were taken to a room and... well... I'd want you to see for yourself, but YouTube is still MIA, and Blogger Video seems to be having issues as well. Until it's all sorted out, imagine women clearly plucked right out of the factory miserably modeling the goods that no one wants to by, getting to walk down a runway to the powerful pipes of old school Britney. That's China for ya.

Distraught, yet ultimately better off thanks to an Osama Bin-Laden looking bust of me, we returned to Shanghai where we got to check out Jon's appartment which boasts a more than a little impressive view of the Shanghai Skyline.

We were actually able to move into a vacant apartment in their MASSIVE complex for the rest of our stay, which meant that when we left our apartment the next morning, we were treated to quite the view of the soon to be second largest building in the world (The Shanghai Financial Tower) dwarfing the current fourth tallest building (The Jin Mao Building).

The sun still shinning, we left Shanghai again for the actual city Marco Polo dubbed Eastern Venice. Suzhou has since become something else entirely though - a sprawling metropolis in its own right. We meandered around the city a bit seemingly missing out on everything there is to do there. We did stumble onto some strange Midwestern missionaries who were out to influence the powerful economic triangle of Shanghai, Suzhou and Singapore. Wait huh? Well, I guess Jesus doesn't specialize in geometry OR economics. They were nice enough though, offering up their map to us. Still though... VERY strange meeting.

We traveled around Suzhou by motorized bike cart, and after one broke down, we hoped into another (to the same destination for a third of the price). After they cursed at each other a bit in Chinese, our new bike driver struggled to communicate to us (all in Chinese... look at us go!) that for the 10 RMB we promised to pay him, he would stick with us for the rest of the evening.

The mysterious bike cab guy, and his bike cab. Was he an angel? The missionaries might have thought so.

He took us around to a really nice bridge, and told us where we originally wanted to go was closed until later. (Of course, this was all done in Chinese, so all translations are guessed at.)

He took us on quite the tour, eventually dropping us off for a bizarre night time reenactment of some war or something.

As if it wasn't weird enough, the only other people at this all-in-Chinese reenactment was a large group of Spanish tourists, who were paired with a poor tour guide who barely spoke English. Corey was put to work as an impromptu translator for the group who at most times resembled frustrated turkeys running around with their heads cut off.

Culturally enriched both by the reenactment and our European encounter, we returned to Shanghai.

Matt's last day with us was our Shanghai day. This continued our trend started in Hong Kong with only seeing the city we are in on the last day. We were prepared for disappointment having been told Shanghai isn't that great, but I was pleasantly surprised regardless. We walked around the French Concession which channeled the positive vibes of way downtown Manhattan, and we checked out other musts like ancient Yu Gardens.

We even got to... drink... some of Shanghai's famous soup dumplings.

Our last stop was the Bund and its striking view of the Pudong area.

Since our apartment in Jon's complex was in Pudong, we got to take the SPECTACULAR tourist tunnel under the water. Words could do this thing NO justice, so just promise me whenever you make it to Shanghai, you will take the tourist tunnel.

Matt packed up his stuff and we had our tearful farewell in the bowels of the Shanghai Subway.

With Matt off to Beijing, Corey and I went to take in a modern take on the Shanghai Acrobatic scene. It was... insane.

Seven motorcycles in that thing... seven.

The next morning, Corey and I made our way out of Shanghai. We got to take the super fast, super cool Mag-Lev train to the airport.

So fast it even had time to pick up a bird along the way!

Eight minutes and 30 kilometers later, we were at Pudong Airport, ready to hop our plane to Dalian. Very much incident free compared to the LAST time we tried to fly out of Shanghai.

I hope you enjoyed this three part trip extravaganza. Keep checking back for more Chinese goodness soon!

- Shawn

Whirlwind China II: Shenzhen/Yangshuo/Longsheng/Ping'An

2007-10-19T16:35:00.000+08:00

Don't worry... despite the long title, I have a feeling this entry might be shorter than the last one, so squiggle into that butt grove and get ready for part two of our latest trip.

First, let me begin by my semi-regular apology for the delay of this post. This time however, I have a somewhat decent excuse. I wanted to include video clips into this post, and as of two days ago, YouTube seems to have made the list of blocked websites here in China. This is strange, because it comes just one day after I found myself able to view my own blog for the first time in a few months. This however is the subject of another post all together. So armed with the will to try out blogger's in house video programming, let me continue our story...

We arrived back on the mainland over land and into the city called Shenzhen. Some say the place is China's answer to Hong Kong, others say that it is a complete dump and a nightmare, but I'll just settle on... wow there were just too many people there. We ventured into the city while waiting for our night bus to Yangshuo, and couldn't help but be mezmerized by the moving masses. (How alliterative!) We also had the chance to use the toilets at the first McDonald's on mainland China, and be befuddled by the Shenzhen metro system. SO MUCH FUN!

And what's a stop over in a Chinese city without some uniquely Chinese food or drink?

Who would have thought that bamboo juice would actually be... good?

But good it was, and with Panda Feed in our stomachs, we boarded the night bus to Yangshuo. Now, I don't know who among you have traveled by way of night bus, but based on my experience, you are usually stuck dealing with a glorified coach bus, hoping to catch sleep in fifteen minute intervals. These though... something else entirely.

Metal framed bunk beds big enough for people half the size of the passengers, but still, one of the finest ways to travel. Sure when the bus lurches you find yourself skin to freezing metal, but of the three of us, I was pretty much able to sleep like a baby. Chinese Night Buses? HIGHLY recommended.

(Hope this new style video works...)

When we woke up, we were in Yangshuo. Elephant brained readers of this blog will recall that we hit Yangshuo on the last Whirlwind Tour. It was only on our way off of the Li River, but it made enough of an impression to warrant a longer stay.

In Yangshuo, we were able to bike around rice fields and farming villages, navigate around cows on leashes and make sure we were too sore to sit the next day.

We also met up with Jon, another friend from Syracuse who is currently teaching in Shanghai.

After the biking, we relaxed in the best way possible... by treating our bikes to a rest on Bamboo rafts down the river.

But we were far from done with Scenic Chinese Nature after we departed from Yangshuo. We were heading to the rice terraces of Ping'An next, but first there would be a quick stop for the night in a city called Longsheng. Not on any tourist maps I've been able to find, Longsheng is a slice of cold war era China that has preserved itself quite well. Dreary and bleak, yet full of character. After wandering around a bit during the night, we spent the morning before our bus to Ping'An in Longsheng's early morning market.

You want live Chickens? They got 'em. You want them to slaughter them fresh in front of you? You got it. You want some maggots and honey combs? Of course! You running low on pig face? Well you're in luck. Oh, are the kids craving some more jerkied rat? Can you blame them?

With our appetites shot, we boarded the bus to Ping'An. It was small and overcrowded, and when we entered the park, everyone without a seat had to duck down to evade security (seriously). Once inside though, we were able to see a completely different side of China than what we experienced in the market that morning.

Gone were the dried rodents. They were replaced by massive rice terraces, and a 400 year old minority village situated inside them. Ping'An is mainly done as a day trip out of Yangshuo or Guilin, but I'm glad we spent the time there. Because it was really nice to take it all in at a leisurely pace.

Aside from the terraces, Ping'An is also known for its minority residents: The Miao (pronounced... you know... like the cat noise). The Miao women are famous for their long hair, so of course they have figured out a way to charge tourists money to see it. The Miao women now have their hair up in buns, but for a short fee they'll let down their locks so you can take a gander. After being harassed by at least two dozen Miao, we finally caved to see what it was all about. But when one or two of them women reached into their basket to pull out hair extensions, I had to fight the urge to push them off the rice terrace.

Having been scammed, we returned to the hotel where we were unsurprised to see that the beautiful rice terraces get basterdized at night with hideous neon lights, and blaring techno music for no particular reason. Ahh, China.

Afterwards, we departed Ping'An to Guilin to catch our flight to Shanghai. If only we payed more attention to the weather forcast though, then we may have noticed a teeny tiny little typhoon that was going to be hitting Shanghai...

Tune in next time for the exciting conclusion!

- Shawn

Whirlwind China II: Hong Kong/Macau

2007-10-16T22:30:00.000+08:00

When my parents came and we did one of these crazy trips covering a massive amount of land in China, I felt more than a bit overwhelmed coming back to the blog. I'd put my stress levels slightly below term paper, but definitely above two page history report.

So much had happened, there's so much I want to tell you about, and here I am trying to make it coherent and at least interesting enough to keep the hit counter on the blog going steady. The way it's going to work this time is for the next few days I'm going to cover a bit at a time. This makes it manageable for all of your MTV destroyed brains to digest.

Today's bit will cover the beginning part of the trip, where we left the mainland for the promised land of civilization known as Hong Kong.

Hong Kong, though turned over to China in 1997 still isn't completely assimilated into the People's Republic. We had to cross a border, cancel our single entry visas, and say goodbye to the good 'ol RMB. The concept of the "Special Administrative Region" is one I still don't completely understand, but all I know is that it was cool to just be able to stroll into another country.

Once in Hong Kong, priority one was meeting Matt - good friend from New York, former college roommate, and owner of an iPhone. After collecting him from the airport that night, we hung around a bit, tried to get our bearings in the huge city, and eventually called it a night.

The next day was spent on two of the outlying islands of Hong Kong: Peng Chau and Lantau. Peng Chau was a beautiful island that we were able to bike around and remind ourselves of the fact that Hong Kong is located in quite a warm part of the world.

Lantau was another nice island vastly different from the metropolis that is Hong Kong Island. Aside from the trees and the far too narrow roads, the main spot on Lantau was the "Big Buddah", who was, as advertised, very big.

Due to visa constraints, another day needed to go by before we could actually see Hong Kong proper. But we made up for it by hopping to another country. Sort of. Not really. We grabbed a boat to Macau, and made our way to the former Portuguese territory. If Hong Kong is a world away from Mainland China, than I don't really know how to describe Macau. It was like stir fried Eastern Europe, with a dash of Western European Spice, cooked up in a decidedly Chinese Wok, and served with a side of Moped Traffic Fried Rice.

Yeah, that about sums it up.

We strolled around the city/country taking in some of the essential sights like the ruins of St. Pauls and some other remains of Portuguese architecture. And made sure to sample some Portuguese/Macanese cuisine. After that, we had planned to check out Macau's own outlying islands, but our plans were halted when we saw something rather... unique.

There was a Moped/Scooter/Motorcycle protest blocking the main roads in Macau. Allegedly, they were protesting some changing parking laws, and showing how damn many of them there were. It was effective enough to cost us a trip to the islands, but entertaining and strange enough that it didn't matter.

By the time the protest died down, we were on our way to what Macau is really famous for. Drowning our money in the black hole known as Gambling. Our stop? Non other than the brand spanking new Venetian Macau. The largest Casino/Hotel in the world. Excess was the name of the game here, with indoor Gondola Rides, a shopping mall styled after Venice with a roof that looks like the sky, and a gaming floor at least twice the size of the one in Vegas. Unecessary? Maybe.

After losing a few Hong Kong dollars, it was time to head back to the big HK.

Finally, we'd have our Hong Kong day. We got to walk around the island, see some of the sites, and of course, roll up the longest escalator in the world.

That night, with Matt already in tow, we had a mini Syracuse reunion featuring guest appearances by other Alumni stranded in China: Cody who we had met up with previously in Beijing, and Terrie who is teaching in Guangzhou. We got to live large strolling around Hong Kong's bar territory, including a stop in a bar that shoves you in a freezer armed with fur coats and shots of Vodka that are (supposed to be) freezing cold.

Just like Syracuse really.

The aftermath day of our night out was supposed to be spent reconvening with our friends, eating some Dim Sum, grabbing our newly envisaed (great new word) passports and heading back to the Mainland. But things didn't go quite that smoothly. The Visa service we used through our Hostel decided that our new Visas couldn't be issued since no one ever drew a line with a pen (seriously) through our previous Visa. So we find out about this at noon, and have to forgo dim sum, and head straight to the Visa office. After wasting a whole day waiting, we find that we're going to need to spend an extra night in Hong Kong thanks to the ineptitude of our hostel. Oh well, there are worse things that could happen.

That night, we got to take the Star Ferry (nice and cheap at 2 HKD or so) too and from Kowloon, to get an incredible view of the Hong Kong skyline before returning to our new abode.

The Chungking Mansion, the place we stayed for our extra night is definitely worth a mention as it is probably one of the most striking and bizarre places I have ever been. Being from Queens, and spending most of my time in New York City, I've seen a fair bit of ethnic diversity. I've been to neighborhoods like Harlem and Jackson Heights that have very ethnically unique feels, but the Chungking Mansion was something else entirely. Filled with (my guess, Illegal) immigrants from Africa and Indian, Chungking Mansion was a strange melting pot of bootleggers, struggling immigrants, Hong Kong bourgeois, Indian Tailors, backpackers and tourists. All coexisting with only minimal petty theft. I'm glad we got to spend our last night there, it was a place I'll never forget. (With a fairly unique smell to boot).

Our hostel owner was a shockingly nice old Hong Kong man named Mr. Fat who presented us with gifts for the rest of our journey. He gave Corey, Matt and I three Lucky Jade Buddhas, which if not gifted by him would have been deemed far too touristy and tacky for me. But we put them on in thanks, and I'll say that we needed all the luck Mr. Fat's Jade Buddhas could provide in the coming days.

Tune in tomorrow for Whirlwind China II, Chapter 2.

- Shawn

Back in Dalian. STOP. Embroiled in Conspiracy. STOP.

2007-10-15T23:38:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone, I know its been a while. Hope we didn't lose anyone over the past two weeks, because we have some cool stuff coming up in the next few days on this blog.

Corey and I just got back from another whirlwind vacation where we hit Hong Kong, Macau, Yangshuo, Ping An (Rice Terraces), and Shanghai. It was really quite something and considering how long it was, the best possible way to cover it for this blog will probably be to break it up over the next three or four days. So keep coming back for a non stop thrill ride of traveling adventures.

That will all start up sometime tomorrow, but until then, I have a strange enough story to share to tide you over.

I got back to teaching this weekend and had my students doing a role play about something they planned hard for that wound up going very wrong. I got the usual role plays about tests studied for but ultimately failed, but I also got a really odd one where one student was enlisted to assassinate the President of the United States, but when (I'd assume) Bush got off the plane, he realized he had no bullets. Jumping in front of the president with an unloaded gun, he left himself wide open, so the President (who of course was packing heat), whipped out his gun and pumped him full of holes.

A plan gone horribly wrong indeed.

If this was an isolated incident, I would have written it off as simple strange Chinese imagination, but on Sunday, another student made a reference to assassinating the US president. He got some looks from his classmates and quickly added that it could be the president of Afghanistan also.

Odd.

So I may have caught wind of some strange conspiracy, or my kids could be getting even more deranged. But either way, if someone tries to whack President Bush... I'd start looking Far East for answers. The kids seem to know something.

Anyways, check back tomorrow for the first of the trip posts where I yammer on about Hong Kong, Macau and all the fun of the Chinese Special Administrative Region.

over and out,
Shawn

Hong Kong Bound

2007-09-28T04:38:00.000+08:00

It's 4:41 AM, and we're throwing the last of our things in our bags.

It's time to head out to Hong Kong. Leaving the mainland has some worries attached to the excitement, including the questionable nature of our return visa, but that will all be discussed upon our return. That is IF we are granted access back into China proper, and IF I'm able to continue the blog action.

We're going to be off the grid for two weeks with an trip that will take us from Hong Kong to Shanghai, and back to Guilin as well. We're meeting up with more than a few old friends, so this trip should really be something.

See you in two weeks! Try not to be too jealous,
- Shawn

Mooncakes

2007-09-26T20:15:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the Mid-Autumn Day Festival, also known as the Moon Festival, also known as the second biggest Festival in China.

The day before the festival, the foreign teachers of Future 2 were invited to a classical concert put on by the Dalian Government in appreciation to foreigners contributing to the city's economy. It's weird being thought of that way, but it was an interesting and enjoyable concert nonetheless.

And of course, there were a good amount of really strange instruments to pierce our ear drums.

The next night was the festival proper, and we picnicked out on a beach by our school, and ingested some mooncakes. Mooncakes are small special cakes flavored (but not filled) in a variety of "exciting" ways. At their best, they are edible enough to enjoy one bite, but for the most part... let's just say I've had better.

We had some Black Sesame, Red Bean, Corn, Date, Pineapple, Peach, Green Tea and other mystery flavors. None were particularly great. Some were rather bad.

It was fun though in the past month or so to see western entities like Starbucks and Hagen Daz come up with their own versions of moon cakes. A bit pricey unfortunately, although I did snag a free sample Starbucks one, and as weird as it was, it was the best tasting one. Although something tells me the Brooklyn Ice Cream ones would have ruled.

Happy Moon Festival!
- Shawn

Quick! Hide! It's the Sun!

2007-09-22T09:40:00.000+08:00

This post is being written now because the weather is starting to change here in Dalian, and if I want there to be any relevance at all, it's gotta be now.

Where I come from, tanning is a strange but welcome pass time. People will sit and bake on a beach or by a pool for hours, hoping to get as dark as they can without tempting the skin disease gods. They industry has evolved to the point of offering up tanning sprays that turn you orange, and 24 hour tanning salons where you get to chill in a microwave for a while at 3:00 AM.

Things couldn't be any more different here. The beauty supply industry is centered on whitening creams, and even cab drivers where really strange attachable sleeves to avoid farmer tans. The darker you are, it is believed, the lower your social class. Because clearly, in a city known for its beaches, the only reason you'd have a tan is if you're out working in the fields all day.

I don't need to get it, that's the beauty of China.

But speaking of the beaches, they are a strange sight. I need to apologize for not having the foresight to snap photos myself, but thanks to morally wrong facebook album robbing, I have secured some pictures of some of the very strange sites you'll see on the Dalian coastal beaches. The first that I have no shots of is a neat enough idea, but in the larger context of solar fear is really strange. Tents on the beach. Lots and lots of tents. No base camp made of towels, bags, lawn chairs and perhaps an umbrella. No siree, just tents. But whatever, I like it. Things get weird on the beach when you see THIS guy...

(photo unceremoniously stolen from Laura)

It's not just the beach though. The other day I was grabbing some lunch by school, and saw this. People are not just under umbrellas. Oh no no no. What if the sun rays fly sideways, or reflect off something. What if we're exposed! So here we go, a lunch break completely covered by an umbrella.

Delicious, but a bit claustrophobic.

I don't know if the Chinese are all Vampires or what, but either way, I'm going to go find some shade.
- Shawn

Yes, We've Eaten Dog

2007-09-16T06:40:00.000+08:00

The headline really says it all. I could probably leave it right here and let you imagine the rest, but where would the fun be in that. So here we go, I now present you with your main course tonight: Stir Fried Dog.

And you know what, I know there are a bunch of you out there giving your computer monitors strange and dirty looks... whether your poor desktop deserves them is up to debate, but come on... when in Rome...

The meat was heavily seasoned, to the point were it would be difficult to say "It tasted like Chicken." If anything, it had more of a Mutton-y taste I guess. The consistency was the real killer. Overly gamey, stringy, and way too fatty. They could have definitely taken Rover for a few more walks it would seem.

It's still sort of weird to think of I guess. But it really had to happen. Korean designed, Chinese approved "gourmet"... dog. Can't really put an "mmmmmm" here, but you get the point.

and that's that,
- Shawn

Rosh Hashanah... in China?

2007-09-14T00:03:00.000+08:00

I was going to start my post about a rather strange Jewish New Year by pointing you to an older blog post about "The Matzah Incident", but upon leafing through the old posts, I couldn't find it. So let me start from the beginning, and tell you all about "The Matzah Incident".

For Passover, it is customary for Jews to eat Matzah a delicious unleavened bread substitute that is essentially a glorified crunchy version of corrugated cardboard. It may surprise you, but this stuff is somewhat difficult to come by here in the People's Republic.

My parents, keenly aware of this, arranged a package to be shipped to me through the Beijing Chabad (which is more than likely the only Jewish organization in China). I had no idea it was coming, so I wasn't surprised when it didn't show up on time for the celebration.

Turns out, it was somehow delivered to a Jewish Family living in the Dalian suburb called Kai Fa Qu. This family spent a shocking amount of time trying to track me down, eventually getting the package delivered to me at school. I shared some Matzah with my curious Chinese coworkers (they said they liked it, I said they were liars), and thanked these mysterious "other Jews" for going out of their way to get my package to me.

I'm really surprised this story never made the blog. I apologize, and am now crippled by the fear that I may have left out other such amusing anecdotes.

Anyways, we sort of remained in touch, when I was invited to celebrate the Israeli Independence Day, which I had to decline on account of work.

That was the last I had heard of them until a few weeks ago. I was invited up to Kai Fa Qu to celebrate the New Year with a motley assortment of Jews who are also displaced here in China. With Corey and two token Israelis in tow, I made the trip out to the 'burbs for a Chinese infused Jewish New Year.

All the staples were there:

Apples and Honey

Pomegranet Seeds (an Israeli thing... but a fairly tasty one at that)

And Sweet and Sour Fish to replace the otherwise bland Fish Head.

And no, dipping apples into Honey is not made easier by Chopsticks.

They'll probably never wind up reading this, but I'd really like to thank the Manes family for inviting my friends and I to celebrate with them. I am far from the most observant Jew you'll find, even from the ones here in Dalian, China, but this was a really nice celebration, and an interesting and new twist on the old classic of Rosh Hashanah.

Happy New Year,
- Shawn

Laura's Parting Chinglish

2007-09-12T07:59:00.000+08:00

With the start of the new semester, we lost a few of our old foreign teaching staff. But luckily, Laura left us something to remember her by. Some of the best Chinglish ever seen by human eyes. The first one is quality. Standard great Chinglish. But the second... well, lets just say that this one makes so little sense that I mulled it over for months, too busy trying to comprehend what it was trying to warn me against to ever take a picture. About a month ago, I realized that it had been replaced from its spot on the Dalian Tram. Gone was the head scratching word puzzle, and I never had a chance to document it in all its glory! Luckily, others were on the lookout.

So thanks Laura for these golden contributions. We'll miss you. Almost as much as that Chinglish from the tram.

Good to know the Plump-ladies will always be able to find job.

Once found in every car of the Dalian Tram. This is the Chinglish Holy Grail.

That's all for now folks,
- Shawn

Round Two

2007-09-10T10:42:00.000+08:00

So this weekend saw the start of our second semester teaching at Future 2. It was a nice fresh start with a slew of new classes, with a few returning faces in the seats. It's sort of strange teaching a completely different class with a few students you know, but even weirder is seeing your old students running around the hallway, waving excitedly at you. It makes you feel somewhat accomplished. Like: hey, they like you! I did something right I guess.

The weirdest though is seeing the few students I had to fail. Who would have thought they'd be just as excited to see me in the hallway? Waving just as hard and grinning just as stupidly. Hmmm... didn't mean for it to come out like that.

Most of the classes are the same here, but one new class I'm teaching this semester is C14: The much feared highest level kids class. Teaching pubescent nightmares from 13-18 without a text book, syllabus or course objectives list. Plus, a good chunk of the class has already taken the course, so I have to make sure the lessons I pull out of nowhere aren't the same as the random crap other teachers have made up. All that said, this is the class I'm most excited for. I have some ideas, I got some from them, and I just hope it isn't a waste of all of our time when all is said and done. Challenges in the classroom, gotta love 'em.

Especially the ones that don't involve five year olds breaking into tears for no particular reason. Of course, if any of my seventeen year olds break into tears for no particular reason, I'm in real trouble.

The most exciting part of this semester is our new schedules. We now have our three days off in a row. No more Monday, Wednesday, Friday days off. Now, we're free from Monday - Wednesday, which means we'll see a bit more of China this semester. Which of course translates into more interesting blog posts for you, dear reader.

Should be a good semester.

- Shawn

The First Semester Chinglish Awards

2007-09-04T09:20:00.000+08:00

Chinglish (or Chinese English for the uninitiated) is a hilarious ummm... art form... that can be found all over China. Chinglish ranges from random typos, to hilarious non-sequitors to fully formed paragraphs that just make no damned sense. I could go on, but I'm gonna just let the pictures do the talking.

Feel free to click on the images for a more in your face inaugural Chinglish experience.

Pretty, pretty prinless.

Season's Greerigs to you all.

Just because it makes sense doesn't make it any less hilarious.

What makes this great, is that Christmas is spelled right right under Christma.

It's really pretty terrible when it's a simple enough word that you got right the first time...

Twenty Six is my favorite TV show of all time!

Terrifying

My notebook for learning Chinese, here's hoping no one uses it to learn English.

No words needed.

I walked on yhe bridge when I was in Dandong, it was one of yhe more interesting bridges.

Hey, they got it right this time.

A friendly warning.

Good to know.

The back of Archie's (one of our Chinese Teachers) T-Shirts. She had no idea what it all meant. I did.

Just blow up and read. Maybe twice.

Every airport needs one.

Finger licking... K?

This one gives me a headache just trying to come up with a witty caption.

Saf ety fir st.

The next few gems are courtesy of the Dalian Zoo, and then Aquarium. There will be a post all about the two sites... eventually. Until then, here are some powerful and moving signs. And remember, No beating!

There sure can be if we keep beating the animals.

Prove it.

As long as it's filtered.

I'll try not to.

Same rules apply at the aquarium.

Gotta love those European trends!

Our final bit of Chinglish for the day is courtesy of Bianca.

If you're a bit overwhelmed, then this post has done its job. Welcome to the wild and wacky world of Chinglish. The good news is that this is the first of an ongoing new feature on the blog focusing on this bastardization of the language I am here to teach. The bad news is that your head will continue to hurt as the Chinglish rolls in.

Happy all the time!
- Shawn

End of the First Semester

2007-08-27T08:34:00.000+08:00

Wow. Here we are at the end of our first semester. Six months into our China... I wanted to say trip there, but clearly this is a bit more than a trip.

The past six months have been some of the most interesting, fascinating, fun, dirty, head-scratching, hilarious, difficult, bizarre and all around adjective filled months of my life. And I wouldn't trade them for anything. I've got high hopes that the next six months should provide more of the same insanity and I'm looking forward to it.

The work I've been doing at school has been some of the most fun and fulfilling work I've done, and it's been great watching the kids (slightly) improve their English. I should reemphasize slightly. But still, I get how hard it is for kids this young to master a language so difficult to their own, so I appreciate even the subtle improvements.

The job hasn't been problem free, but for various reasons I won't go into detail about the down side at this moment. Suffice to say the good outweighs the bad, and I'm looking forward to the start of next semester come September 8th.

Until then, I have a few End of Semester blog things planned, the first of which is a repeat of the activating activity I had during the semester midterm postings. I'm opening up the comments section (not that they aren't always open, it's just that I so rarely get people writing in there) for any questions, comments, concerns, suggestions, grammar corrections and job offers people would like to bestow on Corey and I. We promise to respond to them as soon as possible.

My next post will actually be something suggested last time I did this: Our First Semester Chinglish Awards. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you're in for a treat.

I'm going to stop here by going back to the part where I talk about school, because I'm going to leave you with some pictures of Corey and I with our classes.

Catch you in the comments section,
Shawn

Abusing John's Legacy

2007-08-20T10:34:00.000+08:00

Two weeks ago, John (one of our foreign coworkers) had to unexpectedly return home to Ireland, leaving a gaping hole in the teaching schedule. His classes were divided up among those of us with free time in our weekly schedules.

I missed him when he left, but as soon as I had to start covering his classes the feelings of fond memories turned into those of venomous hate.

It's ok though, because I have since taken to abusing his kids, and forcing them to endlessly run around in circles for no good reason.

Cheers John, we miss ya over here.
- Shawn

Beer Festival Closure... Sort Of

2007-08-14T19:41:00.000+08:00

Last afternoon, I got a strange phone call from Tommy telling me all about the Beer Festival incident I detailed about two posts ago. It was strange because he was telling it to me as if I didn't know what happened. Also odd was the fact that I never told my boss what had happened at the Festival. After some prodding, I found out that people from Budweiser were at the school wanting to apologize to me for what had happened. I was a little surprised to say the least, but Tommy informed me that they wanted to apologize to me in person, and I told him that I'd be at school for class the next day (which you'd think he would know being the one who just gave me my new class that started today). Before I hung up, he mentioned that they had brought beer.

I had thought a free t-shirt, hoped for a key-chain, but never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be free BEER.

I waited at school the next day and was surprised by who showed up. Turns out, it was the actual waitress from the first night's incident!

Getting a better look at her, I realized that she was not in fact the same waitress as the second encounters antagonist, but regardless, I was pretty surprised that they had sent her. She apologized as I watched her coworker bring the beers up the stairs. After she had finished apologizing came the tacked on "explanations" as to her behavior. Insisting that Corey verbally assaulted her first (lies), and that Aaron was just very drunk which is why he was so hard to deal with (lies - he was stone cold sober, and hadn't had a drink all night). Against my fighting instincts, I just ignored her babbling and didn't say anything. I wanted her gone and out of my school before I got annoyed enough to say something.

She had me sign a paper that said I accept the Beer peace offering, and as I was signing, she whipped out her camera for what I'd assume would be proof that I accepted. I of course saw a golden opportunity and grabbed mine as well, insisting on a picture as soon as she asked if she could take one with me. She tried to weasel out of it, but I wasn't going to let her slide on this one. She wants to snap photos of me for unspecified reasons? I want one also.

There was one small problem though that I didn't mention earlier. The beer they brought? It wasn't even regular good 'ol fashioned Bud. It was Bud Ultra. The sissy's brew. And two cases of it no less. What am I supposed to do with 24 Bud Ultras?

Maybe I'll have to complain again.

One last funny annecdote before I finish here, on their way out, I was informed by the Budweiser entourage that the guy they had carrying the cases of beer up the stairs was planning on taking classes at our school soon.

Just in case he winds up in one of my classes, I'm gonna save a Bud Ultra for him.
- Shawn

CT Pre-End of Semester Dinner

2007-08-14T07:37:00.000+08:00

The other night, a healthy chunk of the Future 2 teaching staff went out to dinner at our local restaurant here in the DMZ. With almost 80% of them leaving next semester, we figured it would be a nice gesture of our appreciation to take them out to dinner, and force them to eat dishes off of the lists they gave us at the start of the year.

Fun was had by all as we ingested far too many dishes, and several spoons of corn too many. No real story here, but just a good excuse to throw up a nice group shot:

Also, we wound up playing Truth or Dare (as most dinners with the Chinese strangely turn out) so I've been dealing with the harsh reality of what happens after you down a giant plate of corn. Also worth sharing is this great video of Winnie, one of our Chinese Teachers, singing a Ricky Martin classic:

- Shawn

Beer Brawling

2007-08-09T11:22:00.000+08:00

I know the blog has been in a bit of a dry spell, and I know that that is my fault. There has been a lot going on here, some of which will be detail in this post, some in future posts, and some that I should be able to talk more about soon. (Ominous hype!)

Today though, we're here to talk about Beer...

Anyway, over the last two weeks, the Dalian International Beer Festival was in town, converting Xinghai Square - the self proclaimed largest square in Asia - into a festive ode to Beer. The square was covered in tents representing the finest beers China has to offer (and some of the not so fine ones), and in an effort to back up the claims of being an "International" beer festival, some foreign beers were present. Asahi from Japan, a few tents peddling Germanic Brews, and the old reliable: Budweiser, representing home.

The idea of cold Budweiser on tap was appealing on many levels, not just to the Americans among us but everyone looking for something different than Chinese Beer. We had a good time, meeting a few new people along the way. As the night went on, some of us ventured off to other tents, others stayed.

About two hours later, I realized that Aaron hadn't joined us at the Bavarian Beer tent. Bianca, Corey and I went back to Budweiser when Bianca said that when she left Aaron was arguing with the wait staff at the Bud Tent. What had happened was a simple misunderstanding when Aaron ordered a single pint (for 10 RMB), and gave the waitress a 100 RMB note expecting change. Instead, she brought him a massive Beer... thing...

No harm no foul, right? Just swap out the beers and bring the change. Of course, somewhere along the way the waitress decided this was a big deal and started arguing and screaming, refusing to refund Aaron his money. By the time we had arrived at the Budweiser tent, Aaron had been arguing for almost two hours. The management was their, and for some reason, no one wanted to give him his money.

The three of us went to go and see what exactly was going on, but out of no where, we found ourselves caught up in the arguments. We were being verbally assaulted, asked why we want their Chinese money, if we want to do their jobs, and other ridiculous lines. We want your Chinese money because we get paid Chinese money and we're living here. We want your Chinese Money because we don't like being cheated. Then, a waitress started cursing at Corey, unprompted. I butt in, asking what she thought she was trying to say here, and quickly found myself surrounded by four large Chinese men, pushing me away. I backed away not wanting to be leveled by Chinese bouncers.

Eventually Aaron did get his money back when he started asking for names of the managers and wait staff.

We came back to the Beer Festival two nights later, forgoing the Budweiser tent for its neighbors Asahi. It's strange to think Budweiser tastes significantly better than Asahi, but it could be all in my Americanized head.

A few days later when we returned to the Beer Festival, Corey and I decided: Hey, T.I.C., I'm sure the Budweiser thing must have been an isolated incident. It was at the end of a long night, I'm sure putting up with drunken Chinese for a day would get anyone cranky. Let's go back and have some more Ice Cold Bud. We're Americans, Brand Loyalty is instilled in us at an early age, it's futile to try and fight something so deeply ingrained. Plus, Asahi is just too bitter.

We sit, chat and have a good time. A few hours later, Bianca and some of her friends show up, and we order another round. The next thing I know, a waitress is leaning over and whispering in my ear.

"Can I help you?"
"No, it's ok, we're being helped."
"You will need to pay 500 RMB to keep sitting at this table."
"Excuse me? What did you just say?"

The waitress was trying to extort 100 RMB a head, for no reason at all. There was no such charge to sit and drink at a table, and in the impossible event that there was, it wouldn't be charged two and a half hours after we got there.

Also interesting is how none of the Chinese around us seemed to be subject to the same ummm... cover charge.

I refused, and we argued for a bit. She told us if we didn't pay, we'd have to leave. I told her I'm not leaving until I finish my beer. She just walked away.

Bianca recognized her as the waitress from the other night. Either she just didn't like us, or... well, I can't really think of any other reason.

We finished our beers, and left (in no particular rush). But I just couldn't figure out why the only American tent at the festival was working so hard to piss off foreigners.

We went back to the old faithful Asahi, and had a good time. The girls found themselves in a drinking contest, and I got to compete in a Dumpling eating contest (too bad the camera was dead by then). The beer still sucked though.

Since then, I wrote to Budweiser. They expressed great "concern", and said they would like my address so they can send me a free gift. Nothing helps buy out distressed, racially harassed customers like a free t-shirt. Although, I COULD use a free t-shirt.

Man, I really am American.

I need a beer,
Shawn

Abraham Family Vacation: The Videos

2007-07-30T11:13:00.000+08:00

I'll spare everyone the overlong exposition, and jump straight to the video highlights from my Chinese Family Vacation.

Video # 1: Good Parenting in Dalian, China

Video # 2: Wolong Panda Snack Time

Video # 3: Aerial Panda Combat

Enjoy, and steer clear of Pandas stuck in trees!
- Shawn

The Abraham Family Vacation

2007-07-27T08:52:00.000+08:00

First let me apologize for the lateness of this post. I don't really have a good excuse, but hopefully there will be enough cool stuff coming in the next few days that you won't get too mad.

Corey did a great job covering everything from our whirlwind trip around China with my family, so hopefully this isn't too repetitive.

DALIAN

My family arrived in Dalian after a few days in Beijing. We only had a night, so we had to boil the city down to its essence, showing off some low budget shopping, our school, and Xinghai Square at night, which is always nice to see.

GUILIN

Corey, my family and I all took off from Dalian to Guilin where we got to see some legitimately spectacular scenery. From the lit stalactites and stalagmites of the Reed Flute Cave, to the limestone formations along the Li River - this was the scenic beauty of China that has been relatively nonexistent in Dalian.

Plus, we got to drink Snake Bile Wine, which I should say is as great tasting as it sounds.

It hits everyone the same. A sort of taste like... actually... should you ever have the opportunity, it's something you should probably experience yourself...

After taking in more scenery and water buffalo than any mere mortal could handle, we left Guilin for Chengdu, and the promise of Pandas.

CHENGDU/WOLONG

Chengdu, a seemingly cool city in its own right was little more than a jumping off point to the Wolong Panda Preserve. We saw a little of the city at night before starting on our five hour journey the next day. First, we saw an ancient irrigation system (yaaaawn), that was also home to an ancient Taoist temple (not yaaawn... that was pretty cool).

Our trip took us up a long, winding road that included a tunnel still being dug that cars only have a three hour window to drive through every day. You miss it, you're stuck. No pandas.

The day ended with a hearty Yak Meat and Bamboo shoot dinner, and a stroll around the middle of nowhere, and its painful tourist trap shops.

The Panda Preserve, in a word... was incredible. If you ever see Pandas in a zoo, there are one or two of them just hanging around being pathetic. Here, there were over twenty Pandas that we got to see in a variety of different settings, doing all those things Pandas do so well (like crapping yellow... makes sense, huh?)

Oh yeah, if you haven't heard already, we got to hold Pandas. Yeah, that's right.

It'd seem as though we're pretty awesome I'd say.

XI'AN

The next stop on the supertrip was Xi'An, home to the Terracotta Warriors. We spent a bit of time in the city itself and saw a little glimpse of the super rare Cultural Diversity in China with things like the Islamic Market and the Great Mosque.

The Chinese of course still had a pretty commanding presence in the city with their imposing Bell and Drum Towers (Bell Tower pictured below), which stand higher than everything else in Xi'An.

The Warriors themselves were impressive enough...

... but at the end of the day, the model factory we were draged to under the pretense of seeing a Terracotta Research Center, yielded just as good of a look at what makes the Warriors unique. Maybe I'm just being an ass though.

Despite my blog-found negativity, my family had a good time...

although not as good as some other families probably.

THE YANGTZE RIVER

The last leg of the tour was a three day cruise down the Yangtze River. The river is historically important to China, and the current dam being built - The Three Gorges Dam is regularly making headlines for the impact it will have on the region.

One of the first places we visited was a relocation village for some of the million plus Chinese that are being displaced because of the dam. The flooding that will be caused will be so severe that entire villages will be washed away, along with the long standing classic Chinese landscape around the Yangtze. In the village, we were taken to a house where we got to "speak" to a woman who had been relocated. Of course, she spoke no English, so all translating was done through a PR person for the village.

After the propog... experience, we returned to the trip to find that the Chinese tourists on the boat were all taken to a temple known as the "Abode of Ghosts", a haunted temple in the mountains. After a minor mutiny, the crew agreed to take us to the temple as well. And it lived up to its name...

The next excursion led us to the boat trackers of the Yangtze. A group of fishermen who are famous for pulling their boats upstream. This was incredible to see, and could have easily have been the highlight of the trip if it wasn't for those pesky Pandas.

We passed through the beautiful Three Gorges and made our way to the Three Gorges Dam which is erm... Dam big. Sorry, I went a bit insane for a good day and a half with the damn dam jokes. There I go again. The most impressive part we were able to see was the lock mechanisms that ships travel through. It took a few hours, but the sheer size of everything made it a nerd type fascinating experience.

After the cruise, we departed to Shanghai, which can be read about two posts down... one of the more insane things to happen during my time in China so far.

I have a lot more to tell everyone about here. Since being back, we've been exposed to the Dalian Zoo, as well as the Dalian International Beer Festival. Both of those will be covered, but not before one more post about this trip. It'll be shorter, and it'll have videos of Pandas doing insane Panda things. See you back here tomorrow.

- Shawn

Whirlwind China

2007-07-23T09:17:00.000+08:00

So we've been home a few days since our China on speed whirlwind tour of China with Shawn's family. It was a great time, we saw the must sees, we held pandas, found a man selling crickets in cages, ate amazing food (and some not amazing food), took in the scenery and even braved an airport riot; so now I'm going to try and do the impossible...and make up for not putting any pictures up for ages by posting a complete selection of pictures to give ya'll a general picture of what we saw!! I apologize in advance for talking up so much room on the page, enjoy!

The Twin Towers
Guilin, China

Sunrise view from hotel room
Guilin, China

Reed Flute Caves
Guilin, China

Reed Flute Caves
Guilin, China

After seeing the sights of Guilin we boarded a boat for a day long cruise up the Li River. The Li River is famous for its limestone peaks and boasts some of the most famous scenery in China. These mountains can even be seen on a 20yuan bill. It surely lived up to the hype.

Motor powered bamboo boat on the Li River
Guilin, China

Li River
Guilin, China

Famous 'Snake Bile Wine' Liquor
Guilin, China

Fisherman and his cormorants on the Li River
Guilin, China

From Guilin we headed out to Chengdu where we spent the night before heading up to the Wolong Nature Preserve. Wolong is home to about 600 native pandas who wander in and out of the perimeter of the park. Inside the park there is also a well known breeding center that is home to 60 captive pandas...one of which we were able to hold :)

Shawn and Serena
Wolong Nature Preserve, China

Pandas
Wolong Panda Preserve, China

Eating panda biscuit
Wolong, China

Wolong, China

Next up was Xian, home of the Terracotta Warriors and a nice city in and of itself.

The Bell Tower
Xian, China

The Drum Tower
Xian, China

Crickets being sold at the Muslim Night Market
Xian, China

Terracotta Warrior replicas
Xian, China

The real deal
Xian, China

With Xian and the Terracotta Warriors done, done and done we headed south again to catch a three day cruise down the Yangtze River. The cruise started in Chongqing, a modern city whose population has grown exponentially over the past 10 years and is considered the largest city in the world (depending on who you ask), and ended in Yichang. The boat trip went through an area of the river that will flood after the completion of The Three Gorges Dam. The trip included two excursions along the way.

View of Chonqing from the Yangtze River
Chongqing, China

Cleaning the Yangtze
Yangtze River, China

The Abode of Ghosts
Fengdu, China

Torture statues in the Abode of Ghosts
Fengdu, China

The following pictures were taking on the Shennong Stream, a tributary of the Yangtze River. The boatmen are referred to as boat trackers. Originally used when fishing, the boat trackers would pull the boats upstream through shallow parts of the river.

Shawn
Shennong Stream, China

Bamboo boats
Shennong Stream, China

Rowing upstream
Shennong Stream, China

Shoes made of bamboo and grass used specially by the boat trackers
Shennong Stream, China

Boat tracker
Shennong Stream, China

Bamboo rope used to pull the boats upstream
Shennong Stream, China

Pulling
Shennong Stream, China

Heading downstream
Shennong Stream, China

Shawn
Shennong Stream, China

Boat tracking boat heading upstream
Shennong Stream, China

Bamboo and grass footwear
Shennong Stream, China

Our lead boat tracker guiding the boat upstream
Shennong Stream, China

Rowing
Shennong Stream, China

Out of the mist
Shennong Stream, China

Directing the boat
Shennong Stream, China

Pulling with bamboo rope
Shennong Stream, China

That evening our ship queued up to go through the lock system at the Three Gorges Dam. When completed the Three Gorges Dam will be the largest dam in the world. Its construction has caused many villages upstream from it to be relocated (we monetary reparations going to the people whose villages will be underwater)

Ships beneath the water line in the lock system
Yangtze River, China

Shawn and Serena checking out the view from our cabin
Yangtze River, China

Shawn
Three Gorges Dam, China

The other side
Three Gorges Dam, China

Lilly pads at the park overlooking the Three Gorges Dam
Three Gorges Dam, China

Home sweet home
Dalian, China

Airport Riots in Shanghai

2007-07-20T01:57:00.000+08:00

This post was originally going to be the first of a series detailing the hectically fun week Corey and I spent traveling with my family. That post and the series to follow is still forthcoming (tomorrow at some point), but there was something that needed to preempt that that happened on our way back from the trip.

My family's itinerary took them from Yichang, at the end of the Yangtze River cruise, to Shanghai to continue their touring, but Corey and I needed to get back to Dalian to teach. Our flight from Yichang to Shanghai was delayed several hours for reasons never made completely clear. During the wait, we also found out that our connecting flight was not in fact at the same airport, but rather a different Shanghai airport approximately an hour away. After some hectic phone calls, we had our flight changed to the last flight leaving Shanghai to Dalian. We were supposed to arrive in Shanghai with two or so hours to spare, but now we were landing just in time to barely make the hour trip and make our re timed flight to Dalian. "Luckily" after the delays, we were able to make the hour trek to Shanghai Pudong with almost twenty minutes to spare before they stopped checking people in.

We check in and breathe a sigh of relief, but basically as soon as we arrive at our gate, we hear that the flight is delayed, and the new boarding time will be announced at a later time.

I don't care what country you're in. That doesn't sound good at all.

Our flight was supposed to depart at 9:40, it wasn't until after Midnight that they finally told us that the flight was canceled. The entire time all we had to go on was unhelpful staff members, and a constant reminder that the new departure time will be announced later (read: never).

The reason for the delay was terrible weather in Dalian, so it should be made clear that there were four or five flights to Dalian from throughout the day that had been canceled.

Imagine how pissed off and irate people would be at home. Now, multiply that by the stories I've (probably) told about the Chinese's temper. It got bad. There was a lot of yelling and screaming in Chinese, and the ground crew became too flustered to even acknowledge that there were confused as hell westerners.

While the mob began to form and yell even more, Corey and I started bouncing around to anyone that would listen to us, until we were able to piece together that there were going to be buses that would take us to a hotel for the night.

When our new flight would be was still a question mark, but we were reassured that we would get a call in the room. Uh huh... right.

We had to wait easily another hour to be bounced around to three plus buses before China Eastern was satisfied with the seating arrangements and allowed the buses to drive off.

I wasn't expecting a five star hotel by any means, but I'd like to think an English speaking staff wouldn't have been too difficult to find, even after 2:00 AM in the morning. Oh well.

Oh yeah, and mere minutes after going to sleep, the phone rang. No, it wasn't the airline telling us when our flight was, but rather a Chinese girl offering massages.

Literally less than ten minutes in the room, and I was already being solicited by prostitues on the phone.

Now that's service!

At six in the morning, after three or so hours of sleep, we get a wake up call.

"Hello."
"Hello?"
"Hello, good morning."
"Good morning. So, do you know when our fight will be?"
"Hello, good morning."
"No, no, no... do. You. Know. When. Our. Flight. Will. Be?"
-Click-

We head downstairs but the lack of English continues to frustrate. We eventually find ourselves on a bus (not before being switched around a few times of course)

After some quick confusion at the airport, we find out our flight is leaving at 9:30. Twelve hours after it was originally supposed to take off.

Hallelujah, it's over.

Or at least, it would have been if I didn't promise you riots in this post's headline.

Remember, that angry mob I mentioned from the night before? Well, aparantly they were so busy yelling and being generally pissed off about everything that they never got put up in a hotel. Also, most of them were probably from flights earlier than ours.

So they were well beyond livid this time. A huge mass of them had taken to blocking one of the terminal hallways. Their reasons were unknown, but after a long night stuck in an airport with nothing to due but listen about how our plane's new time will be announced later. Can't say I blamed them, but I left them to their Chinese protest chants. We had a new flight time, and a new gate number, far away from the mob.

We hung out at a central part of the terminal, and about a half an hour or so before boarding, we made our way to the new gate. On our way down the stairs, we noticed that the mob had dispersed. Looks like everything was working out. We had our new flight, and even the angry Chinese mob was happy.

Stupid. What a stupid, stupid thing to think.

The mob had conveniently relocated themselves right in front of our new boarding gate. They had moved the benches so no one could get through and were yelling and screaming at anyone and everyone. The part where it starts getting even crazier, is that they were now blocking a different flight to Qingdao that was supposed to take off from that same gate. They weren't letting anyone on a plane until they were happy and satisfied.

Obviously we were both frustrated at the time, especially since the person we needed to talk to was probably on the other side of the mob/blockade. The gate attendant.

Corey launched herself in, climbing over people, arguing with them in broken English along the way. A snippet worth repeating is a woman's explanation as to what the hell they were doing: "WE ARE AGAINST THE AIRLINE!" Followed quickly by an inquisitive: "ARE YOU WITH US?" Of course, Corey would say whatever she needed to get to the other end.

Realizing that being separated by an increasingly volatile Chinese mob was probably not for the best, I started climbing over people, shoving as necessary and maybe even elbowing this annoying woman in the head. By accident of course.

Stuck now on the other side with the flight attendants, they had no interest in helping us at all, or even exercising their already poor English skills. So we were stuck with nowhere to go.

The police showing up did nothing, as instead of trying to control the crowd, they figured it would be a good idea to just yell at them a bit. Nothing calms an angry group of people down as much as yelling at them.

Eventually, four flights to Dalian were announced at a nearby gate, and the crowd dispersed. To beat each other up somewhere else to get on a plane. By Eleven, we were in the air, well over half a day later than we were supposed to. But hey, not to worry. Everything is ok, because on the way to the plain, a customer service representative (none of the ones who refused to talk to us all night and morning of course) handed us each 300 RMB cash to let us know how umm... sorry they were.

Nothing buys my happiness like petty cash, but hey, I'm still gonna try to whine my way into a free flight to Beijing or something.

What can you do? T. I. C.

See you tomorrow, where you'll see a bit of the less insane bits of the vacation. Until then, I need to get some sleep.

- Shawn

Off On A Whirlwind Family Vacation

2007-07-11T05:08:00.000+08:00

I'll keep this post nice and brief, since I need to run to the airport momentarily. My parents and my sister arrived in Dalian yesterday, and we're leaving today for an insane week trip through... I dunno... everywhere in China. I'd start listing it all but I'm sure I'll miss something, and hell, might as well leave some element of surprise for next week's guaranteed onslaught of posts.

Catch you on the flipside,
Shawn

Fare Thee Well Kid's Movie Class

2007-07-10T08:59:00.000+08:00

This past weekend saw the end of my least favorite, yet most ridiculous class.

The "Kid's Movie Class" is a two hour class (of which I am only subjected to an hour of). The first hour sees the Chinese Teacher drilling in lines from a thirty second clip from some inane cartoon movie. I wish I kept some examples of lines from these movies to illustrate how... useful... this technique is, but alas I did not.

Then comes the second hour, where I come galavanting in, and try to keep the kids excited for another round of repetition. Did I mention these kids speak no english, so my goal here is to get them to mimic sounds, and not understand why the cow is using three syllable words and out of date slang? No? Oh, I should have.

After my first lesson, I quickly realized that it would be impossible to fill a full hour considering there are words and concepts in these clips that would be difficult for some of my higher level classes, let alone a class of disinterested and bored kids who don't understand an single word.

I tried talking to Tommy about this early on, but he assured me that it's simply a cultural thing. "We are two separate cultures, working as one." Or something like that. Oh, my bad... I thought I was wasting their time or something. Good to know listening to a prehistoric sloth lisping (Oh, Ice Age) is culturally valuable. Riiiiiight.

So, I took a very advance teaching method approach to this class. I spent the first half an hour of the class poking the kids in the head, making sure they stayed awake and upright as I made sure that they could at least kind of, sort of make the sounds I wanted them to.

Then? Then it was time for games. Musical chairs, telephone (interestingly referred to as Chinese Whispers in China), and my favorite time waster: The Basketball game.

The Basketball Game consists of me pausing the 30 second clip at a certain line, and getting a student to repeat it. This is difficult because if I miss the pause cue, I'm five lines away from the one I wanted. Oh well, rewinding will shave another few seconds off of the class. Then, the student gets to try and throw a ball into a basket from various positions in the classroom, resulting in more points for their team. And if they speak Chinese? Minus twenty points. This is especially hilarious, since their English vocabulary limits them to screaming "Good, good, very good!", "NO!", or the occasional breaking into song with Ricky Martin's "The Cup of Life". I couldn't make this up.

And then, bam. The hour is up, and I go eat lunch.

This has been going on for the past 18 weeks, and you know... I may miss the mind numbing pain of the movie class. Sure it was harsh watching the kids struggle with words they had no business struggling with, but where else would I get to watch a kid falling asleep next to another who is absentmindedly eating clovers off of a potted plant on the window sill.

Again, I couldn't make this up if I tried.

So goodbye Spongebob, goodbye movie class students whose names I never even got to know since I never had a role call and they never answered me when I called their names anyway, and goodbye half eaten plant.

You'll be missed.

At least until I get over it during my newly found hour off.

- Shawn

Pictured: The delicious potted plants, the kid who eats them, another bored student, the basket!, and Mr. Squarepants.

Independence for the Ex-Pat Masses

2007-07-06T09:25:00.000+08:00

As a warm blooded American, I couldn't imagine spending a Fourth of July without the essentials: beer and BBQed meat. So, using the magic of Facebook, I invited 10 or so of my friends to a Fourth of July Beer-B-Q, where we could mock our British friends, and talk about how great America is. Ahhemmm.

Anyways, when I got to the party (fashionably late of course) it quickly became apparent that the word had spread on the shindig. By the end of the night, there were easily over a hundred ex-pats from America, England, Ireland, Canada, South Africa, Spain and even Mexico pouring out of a small Dalian bar. Who would have thought the international community would feel the need to celebrate America's independence that strongly? I thought everyone was supposed to hate us these days.

Or maybe it's the old "any excuse to party" frame of mind. That's probably way more likely.

And like any good it involved the Chinese police showing up and trying to convince everyone to go inside. Of course, they were completely unprepared for a mob of foreigners, so we started setting off firecrackers anyway.

happy belated 4th everyone,
Shawn

Eviction Notice

2007-07-02T07:56:00.000+08:00

The other day at our weekly staff meeting, Tommy informed us that next semester we would have the pick of the litter for moving into a new apartment. This sounded pretty cool at first, but after a few seconds of consideration, Corey and I both realized that while our apartment is rather out of the way for most of the city, it isn't too bad, and it surely isn't bad enough to warrant the hassle of moving.

We said thanks but no thanks, and were promptly informed that we misunderstood (read: it was miscommunicated to us). Our apartment will no longer be rented by the school at the end of the semester, so we're out if we like it or not.

I guess it's a good thing we've got first dibs on a new pad.

All things considered, I'm letting myself get excited by the move instead of being annoyed. I won't settle for a worse apartment, so there are no worries there. It'll be nicer, and if the rumors are to be believed, in a much better and more central location.

More on this story as it develops.

- Shawn

Ha Ha Huh? (Chinese Jokes and Games)

2007-06-29T22:28:00.000+08:00

President Bush, President Putin, and President Hu are hunting in a dark forest. Suddenly, they are jumped by a pack of evil wolves. The wolves threaten to eat/kill/do unpleasant things to them, but the world leaders are ready to offer whatever they have on themselves to get away. Bush reaches into his pocket and pulls out an incredible sum of cash. He tells the wolves that if they let him go, he will give them them the money. The wolves take the cash, and President Bush runs to freedom. President Putin goes digging through his pockets. All he can come up with is a brochure filled with beautiful girls, but he offers them to the wolves in marriage if they let him go. They accept, and Putin is freed. President Hu nervously seaches what he has on him. He says "I'm sorry, but all I have here are my communist party papers." The wolves stare for a minute, and then bow down to him. Then they thank him. "Thank you sir for giving us direction in life."

Ha.

Ha.

Huh?

The above ummm... joke... is paraphrased from my C13 English class last weekend. We were discussing jokes and humor, and I figured this one should be shared with the blog reading audience. You deserve it, you really do.

On an only somewhat related note, in another class from last weekend, I was playing Tic Tac Toe as a review game (they get a question right, they get to mark a space... I don't waste time THAT badly that we play tic tac toe in the middle of class, I swear!) I drew the board on the floor, and as if they never saw the game before, the class went crazy. Word on the street is that the Tic Tac Toe board is remarkably similar to the character "Jing", which is the Chinese word for "Well" (the water/drinking kind of well).

Hey, it was fascinating enough to disrupt my class, it's surely fascinating enough for this blog, right?

Figured this was sort of related to the jokey, fun and games type theme of this post, so I figured I'd share these two non sequiturs together.

The more you know...
- Shawn

Pimp My Westerner

2007-06-27T14:19:00.000+08:00

So here are a few more photos to go along with Shawn's post about our exciting, yet not first venture into promotional work here in China.

Team A gears up for the festivities
Dalian, China

Team B during the 'Bust-a-few-moves' competition.
Dalian, China

The 'Every man for him/herself Balloon popping game'
Dalian, China

Learning dumpling techniques the Wal-Mart way.
Dalian, China

Final results before cooking
Dalian, China

On another note, here are a few pictures I took earlier in the day before our Wal-Mart antics.

Angel fish at the street market near our school
Dalian, China

View of the city, towards Hei Shi Jiao
Dalian, China

Wal-Mart Publicity Monkeys

2007-06-21T20:41:00.000+08:00

In my last post, I talked about how we foreign teachers were trotted out to a conference all in Chinese so that our boss can pretend that we do something that we most assuredly do not. That wasn't the first time the fact that we aren't Chinese has been used to promote something, and we all knew full well that it wouldn't be the last.

A few weeks ago, Bianca told us all that her Chinese tutor has some sort of contact at Wal-Mart that was looking for some foreigners for some sort of mysterious event at one of Dalian's Wal-Marts. We heard the words games and TV, and inferred the words "free stuff", so the hearty staff of Future 2 agreed to show up and show our western faces.

Having experienced it, I'm still no clearer on what exactly this mysterious event was for. But I do know that what it essentially was was a "lets embarrass a bunch of westerners in the middle of our store as entertainment for our shoppers." Or something like that.

Without any explanation for why we were there (someone mumbled something about a "second opening", but I don't really know what that is...), we were divided into two teams, and promptly entered into competition.

Round 1 was Emily, the Chinese tutor whipping out random Chinese words that we couldn't possibly know, and we had to guess at them. Ummm... yeah.

Round 2 was a contest where the teams in two lines had to start a dance, with each person adding a new move as it went along. You can imagine how that went.

In Round 3, they played a song by Chinese superstar Jay Chow, and we had to sing a line from the song. Why? I mean, the crowd sure thought it was funny watching us try.

Round 4 was similar, as they recited some lame ancient Chinese poetry about moonlight on your bed (in Chinese of course), and we had to recite it. Exciting I know.

But I will curb my sarcasm for Round 5. We all had balloons strapped to our ankles, and had to engage in Balloon Warfare in the middle of a Chinese Wal-Mart. I'd show you a picture, but why bother? Here's a video!

After all that excitement, we got to try our hand at making dumplings, which was a fun experiment in failure. The best part was when the Chinese shoppers started pushing and shoving to see what was going on, and then pushed and shoved us out of the way to show us how it was SUPPOSED to be done. One woman reached in and opened up all the ones I made, only to reclose them to her liking.

Hence, the T.I.C. label on this post.

There were no TV cameras, but we did in fact get free stuff. A bag of unwanted Wal-Mart merchandise including a piggy bank and a toothbrush.

I have absolutely no idea what happened today, but it sure was fun.

- Shawn

OH YEAH! And come back tomorrow for a whole slew of pictures of the shenanigans from Corey. I assure you, they're not to be missed.

The World New County Economic Forum

2007-06-20T13:22:00.001+08:00

Over the course of my employment at Future 2, I've been involved in some... strange... extra activities that have close to nothing to do with what I was hired to do. From my "promotional" adventures, to correcting translations for business plans, things are never boring here. But yesterday was by far the strangest thing I was asked to do yet.

First some background. Future 2, the branch of Aston English that we work for is (as far as I know) the only Franchised school in Dalian. It is owned and run by our principal Michael, who is also a used car salesman. And he is also apparently involved in the Chinese Information Technologies world, as he is starting a Linux training school (and a Japanese Business school) in the back of our school.

Despite knowing this, it was quite the surprise to my coworkers and I when we were told that to make up some missing hours in our week we would be VIPs at a mysterious conference. Even though it has nothing to do with our job in any way imaginable, we didn't put up a fight because A - we were most assuredly under hours, B - these random things we're "asked" to do always lead to a great story, and C - We were told there was a banquet in the evening.

So off to the mystery conference we went.

I've long ago learned to not expect any coherent or straight explanations from Tommy, our school manager, but the conference really didn't have anything to do with IT, but rather the Chinese Economy. It was also completely in Chinese. Yeah. Exactly.

At least it was at one of the fanciest hotels in Dalian. And by fancy, I mean it puts the Waldorf to shame.

And really, it wasn't all bad. Not being able to understand anything gave us all the opportunity to revisit old doodle favorites such as Dots and M.A.S.H. Who would have thought if you send a bunch of teachers to a conference, they'd start playing the same games that middle schoolers play in class.

Leafing through the conference's program, I found out exactly why we were there. The pictures of all the foreign teachers were there, with the implication that we work for one of Michael's many other companies. I don't know... last I checked, I taught Chinese kids the difference between toes and a nose... pretty close to "A Warm Hearted Team for Conference Service"

Oh yeah, and they spelled Corey's name wrong. Twice.

I guess that's what happens when they don't run these things by you.

But none of this matters. Really, I don't mind being used as part of an elaborate lie to show that foreigners are doing things we most assuredly aren't. And why is that you may ask?

Because of the aforementioned banquette. It turned out to be a gourmet western buffet, that was an unimaginably delicious treat at the end of a long day of speeches in Chinese. I don't want to go on and on about the food, so suffice to say begin to end, it was a nonstop joyride for your pallet. Lasagna, cooked to order steaks, mexican potatoes, breads, curried everything, and fruits from near and far! They even had make your own sundays, gummies, and cakes galore for desert! Ok, I'm stopping myself.

All in all, it was a strange day, but what the hell, we got fed quite well... and everyone knows the best way to get foreigners to cooperate on a really strange con/scam/business endeavor, is through their stomaches.

I'm off to continue digesting!
- Shawn

Bootleg Reviews: Extra Sized Final Installment!

2007-06-19T10:15:00.000+08:00

Welcome everyone to the final batch of Bootleg Reviews to be featured on this site. When I started the reviews, they were a semi-interesting insight into the bootleg culture of China, but as they continued, they became more and more irrelevant, and the same ideas about the bootlegs were being driven home: typos galore on the back, sometimes crap quality, sometimes advertisments for a completely different movie on the box. So, as a fitting send off for this increasingly irrelevant segment, I present to you this Bonus Extra Sized Final Installment, that for the first time ever... features a movie that actually has to do with China. About time, huh?

So lets get going with a rating system that was modified as necessary since last installment's vocabulary revelations:

I don't really know what it says that this installment of Bootleg Reviews came a lot quicker than the last one. But instead of musing on inane possibilities, lets get to the movies.

The Bootlegged Chinese Vocabulary/Rating System

Bang ji le - Excellent
Hen hao - Very Good

Hao - Good *
Yi ban - Meh (so-so)
Bu hao - Bad
Cha ji le - Shit

* (New rating... needed something to actually stand for what we thought Hen hao was before...)

LOST: SEASON 2

I heard a lot of negativity surrounding Season 2, but despite some missteps with the hatch storyline, I felt that this was actually a lot stronger than the first season. Especially when the castaways capture someone that may or may not be one of their enemies. It was some of the most compelling TV I've seen in a long time.

As you can see, I'm going to keep these reviews nice and short, since we have a few movies to get through. All things considered though, Lost Season 2 cemented Lost as one of my favorite shows, and if you can handle the lack of concrete answers, I can't recomend it highly enough.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: It's the same well crafted box that we had for Season 1. Bravo Chinese Bootleggers, Bravo.

Shawn's Rating: Bang ji le
Corey's Two Cents: Bang ji le

WE ARE MARSHALL

I try to avoid the mindset that all football movie are exactly the same, but too often, that's actually the case. While We Are Marshall had many of the trappings of your average sports movie, there was a lot of heart as well. The backstory of the team's tragedies kept you invested in the story, and made sure that the highlights were off the field instead of during the game day footage.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Nothing doing here unfortunately.

Shawn's Rating: Hao
Corey's Two Cents: Hao

LOST: SEASON 3

After the second season wrapped, we were glad that season three was floating around the foreign teachers' apartments. As it stands, this is easily the best of the seasons. The DVD itself didn't have the complete season, but that's what the internet is for I guess.

The problem is, this is when Lost is going to get maddening. It had one of the best season ending cliffhangers I've seen in a while, and for the first time for this series, I'll have to wait a while on it.

In this season, you can clearly see what the show creators have been building too, and it all comes together wonderfully. The only problem is that it leaves you craving whatever comes next.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Unlike the previous two, complete, seasons this dvd box seems to be a left over Beta Tape box with some plastic shoved inside, and then the DVDs. Very... creative... packaging:

Shawn's Rating: Bang ji le
Corey's Two Cents: Bang ji le

SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE

Pirates of the Carribean 3 was crap quality. So was Shrek 3. This left me cornered and trapped, and Corey sprung with Sleepless in Seattle. I've experienced a few of these types of movies before. They're called chick flicks for a reason, so I had no reason to think I would like this one. But the word "classic" was tossed around a lot for this film, so I let myself think... hey, maybe this won't be too horrible.

Boy was I wrong. I don't see how anyone can like this movie. It's completely contrived, the character's motivations make no sense, and Meg Ryan is sort of a bitch. Really, this movie is just bad.

And you know what... if I was a girly girl, I'd still be pissed off. They don't even kiss at the end. I mean, even I noticed that.

At least when all was said and done, Corey agreed with me that this movie sort of blows.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Nada. Boring, normal box for a boring, normal movie.

Shawn's Rating: Cha ji le

Corey's Two Cents: Bu Hao

BLACK SNAKE MOAN

Easily the best movie ever with Christina Ricci chained to a radiator. This one is a hard movie to peg down, mainly because it's so strange. But at the end of the day, the story of Samuel L. Jackson trying to cure Christina Ricci of her wickedness through the power of the blues and the strength of the radiator she's chained to, is an affecting and effctive film that really takes you inside one of the stranger relationships ever put on film.

Not the strangest mind you. Keep on reading for that one.

Black Snake Moan is a very different movie, and a good one at that.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Aside from some of the coolest cover art ever, there isn't any Bootleg fun to be found here.

Shawn's Rating: Hen Hao
Corey's Two Cents: Hao

PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN: AT WORLD'S END

Wow, talk about missteps. While not quite the disaster that Spider-Man 3 was, At World's End seems to have forgotten all about what made the original Pirates movie so magical. Here, we have an overlong movie with too much plot for its own good. Not that I don't like my movies with a good plot, but when the storylines start weiging down a film it becames painfully obvious.

There is still good to be found in the almost three hours of film. Davey Jones is still cool looking, even going ashore in a bucket of water. And Monkey Jack has some good scenes as well. And lest we forget the best part of this franchise: Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow, who's scenes make this whole movie worthwhile, even if it spends way too much time on the ever-boring Kiera Knightly and Orlando Bloom.

At least the movie ends strong with the teasing possibility that the story may go on, and refocus itself on Sparrow.

Here's hoping.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Since this was borrowed, I didn't get a good look at the box. I did have three previous boxes to peruse of course, but those were terrible quality so they got tossed before I got a chance to look them over. This DVD, while still fairly poor quality also had a bunch of other blockbusters spread out over the course of two discs. No need to watch more crap movies in crap quality though. Onward!

Shawn's Rating: Yi Ban
Corey's Two Cents: Cha Ji Le

LEON - THE PROFESSIONAL

Remember what I said before about Black Snake Moan being one of the weirdest relationships in a movie ever? That doesn't hold a candle to this one. Remember what I said about Sleepless In Seattle being considered a classic? This right here is a true classic. Oh yeah, and it's a better love story too.

Natalie Portman's role as a tragic preteen drawn into the world of "cleaning" is a strong start to what became a very strong movie career, but this movie really belongs to Jean Reno who plays the classic "badass with a heart of gold" to a T. If you've overlooked or missed this one, it's a great movie that I recommend whole heartedly.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Old enough of a movie for them to get it right it would seem...

Shawn's Rating: Bang Ji Le
Corey's Two Cents: Hen Hao

THE PAINTED VEIL

And for my last review here, I figured what the hell, might as well finally talk about a movie that actually has something to do with China.

As far as period drama/romances go, this one is slightly above average I guess, but the real joy of watching this movie was picking out the bits of Chinese that Edward Norton throws out.

I know it's a serious and somber film about the Cholera Epidemic in China, but there's something about hearing Norton say "Jigga Shuai Bu Hao" that had me laughing for a good chunk of it.

The beautiful scenery also helped get me even more excited for my upcoming trip along the Yang Zi River with my family.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: This is one of those movies that was actually released in China, so they got it right here. Still a bootleg of course.

Shawn's Rating: Yi Ban
Corey's Two Cents: Hen Hao

And that's our show ladies and gentlemen. I hope you enjoyed this feature while it lasted, and stay tuned. I know Corey and I have been slacking on the posts as of late, but expect a bunch of interesting updates in the coming days.

Good night, and good luck.
- Shawn

Parents, Lies, and Video Tape

2007-06-16T19:39:00.000+08:00

Ok, there really aren't going to be any lies in this post, but since its been a while I wanted to catch everyone's attention with a snazzy, yet out of date pop culture reference.

This weekend at Future 2 is a sort of Open House Weekend, with parents being invited into classes to watch. I wouldn't say that I was dreading it or anything, but I surely wasn't looking forward to it. Our classrooms are all stylishly designed with giant window walls facing out into the hallway so parents can sternly stare in and complain later. Having the cranky 'rents in the back of the class can't really be much better.

Interestingly enough, it did spice things up a bit. I felt like I was performing for an audience, and wound up leading some of my more rousing classes in a while. Although I did tire myself out a lot quicker... guess I'm out of shape when it comes to teaching stamina. All in all, I think day one went well, and here's hoping that day 2 of the parent's open house stays the same... coupled with the hope that there aren't any complaints that I make fun of the kids too much in coming weeks. I mean, I have no idea why they'd think that.

Another weird monkey wrench in the normal teaching grind this weekend was the last minute (as in text message from Tommy, our manager, late last night) announcement that our classes would be video taped for unspecified purposes. It's funny how people can hide behind the language barrier when they don't want to explain something to you. I mean, they told me it was for Chinese Teacher training purposes, yet somehow when the tripod was set, it always seemed to be facing right at me. Or a window. Whatever, it's not my mysterious video.

Thing is, that class went pretty well too. Who knows, maybe the whole bit about variety and spiciness is true when it comes to a grueling class schedule. Who woulda thought?

- Shawn

Oh yeah, and if ever get my hands on the tape from today or tomorrow, I'll do my best to put up a snippet on the blog.

Shawn Abraham: Human Electronic Market

2007-06-08T20:05:00.000+08:00

A few weeks ago, I had my iPod stolen out of my backpack. Needless to say it sucked, but hey, that sort of thing could happen anywhere, to anyone. I mean sure someone opened up my backpack, took out my iPod, and closed up my bag on the bus without me knowing, but you have to keep your head up when stupid shit like that happens.

Today, coming off the bus, someone stole my camera right out of my pocket. So forgive me while I vent. Really, this sucks ass. I don't even know what to say to be honest. It's just that two things stolen in less than a month is more than just a hassle. It's more than just the money.

I've never felt like a target here. Obviously we stand out. We don't look like anyone else, we don't act like anyone else, and I have it on good authority we rarely smell like anyone else. But aside from the awkward stares, and loosely thrown out "Hello?"s, everyone's been friendly. Even if the returned "hellos" leave them in stitches. But I guess there is a flip side to everything. We stand out to more than just the bored, friendly, and curious.

Of course, it's obviously not just because I'm foreign. My Chinese coworker Louis
had his Cell phone stolen on the same bus that my iPod was jacked. I guess petty crime like pickpocketing is "common" here. Clearly not the same situation as some friends I have in El Salvador who shall remain nameless. So yeah, I know I'm in some senses lucky. I wasn't hurt. They were only things. But dammit...

It was weird, it felt like it fell out of my pocket, I looked on the ground and couldn't see it. Then it hit me what had happened. I looked around and saw nothing but suspects. Teens running to buses old women staring at me selling newspapers and water, and this little kid. Looking back, the best version of the story I can come up with is that the old woman staring probably saw what happened and opted to say nothing. And the most likely culprit? Easy money is on the little kid. Should have gone up to him and seen what would happen. Things are always easier in hindsight. Really, it was over in two seconds. By the time I realized it was actually lifted, they could have been well out of sight.

This post isn't really going anywhere, I'm not here looking for sympathy (donations are something else of course) I just needed to get it all off my chest and vent to someone (or something) that isn't Corey before she tries to find the guy who stole my stuff and tells him to take me away also.

Hopefully I'll have picture filled posts up soon, as I'm sure you all want to see the puppy market we've discovered.

argh,
- Shawn

Carbo-Loading with Eddie the Baker

2007-06-06T11:22:00.001+08:00

See anything interesting when peering into our chilly Chinese 'fridge? If you don't, it's probably because it's a bad picture. In that case, let me just tell you what we have going on here: You might be able to make out some Bagels (plain and whole wheat), stacked on some Ciabatta Bread, on top of Tortillas!

Yes, Corey and I have stumbled on Carbohydrate Heaven here in China. And that heaven comes in the form of a man named Eddie. Eddie the Baker, to his friends.

From the legends surrounding him, Eddie the Baker spent a good portion of his life in Canada, learning the art of Baking. As a snobby New Yorker, I'm still not sure if that makes him qualified to make Bagels, but they're passable.

Eddie the Baker currently owns a small shop under Zhongshan Park. His business seems to cater specifically to ExPats that he will deliver to all across town. Did I mention his English is perfect? Fluency when dealing with people you're giving your money to is a real treat here, let me tell you. But not as big of a treat as having Bagels and Tortillas is.

So thank you Eddie the Baker for helping to knock some things off the list of things I'm going crazy craving here. And thank you for helping to wipe the smug, bagel eating smirk off of my family's faces when they taunt me over video-chat with fresh New York Bagel goodness in their hands.

Eddie, this post is for you.

- Shawn

Daily Dalian

2007-06-02T20:37:00.001+08:00

So I've been trying to bring my camera with me everyday and of course I'm still working on that cause, she's a biggie and I usually have a few other things as well, but this is a few snipets of what we did and saw this week in Dalian. It was a pretty quiet week, but we did have time to take in a few of the local spots. HeShiJiao has a park on the water, we walk through the markets about everyday and 'King George' is just one of our trusty animals in the neighborhood. Enjoy!!!

Fishing boats moored for the night.
Dalian, China

'King George' guarding our local 'recycling center' or midway point (still trying to figure out what exactly it is)
Dalian, China

Watermelons and cherries for sale at one of Dalian's many markets.
Dalian, China

Man smoking a cigarette in front of partial Dalian skyline
Dalian, China

Traditional Chinese box dancing at Xinghai Park
Dalian, China

Catch ya in a flash, Corey

First Semester Midterms

2007-05-28T17:21:00.000+08:00

This past weekend was midterms at Future 2, and I have to say, I really got a kick out of the whole thing. I felt like a real teacher laying down the law. Watching the kids sweat buckets due to nervousness was a welcome change from hyperactive class destruction as well. Although it did make it that much harder to give some of the little snots bad grades. So it goes.

The midterms also mean something else - my stay in China is a quarter over, and that's sort of crazy. In honor of this milestone of sorts, I want to try something new on this blog. If it works, I'd expect to do this at least three more times. If it doesn't... probably still three more times.

Instead of a long rambling post, I'm turning the floor over to you, our loyal blog reading fan base. I know you guys are out there, and I'm sure you all have questions. Post them under the comments section, and Corey or I will answer them. Nothing is sacred, so feel free to ask anything!

Also appreciated are comments, criticisms and suggestions about things to focus on in the blog. As much as this is a way for us to log our experiences in China, it's also a tool for keeping friends, family, and complete strangers abreast of everything going on here.

So please humor me, and post something!

- Shawn

(Oh, and I keep forgetting to point out a cool new widget we added to the blog, and since this is largely a post about nothing, now is as good a time as any. Scroll all the way to the bottom, and you'll see that there is a nifty map that logs all of our visitors from around the world. I think it's sort of neat actually. Anyways... get to the comments section already, what are you waiting for!)

Bootleg Reviews: Love Actually, Lost: Season 1, Hot Fuzz, and Jackass: Number Two

2007-05-26T19:34:00.000+08:00

I don't really know what it says that this installment of Bootleg Reviews came a lot quicker than the last one. But instead of musing on inane possibilities, lets get to the movies.

The Bootlegged Chinese Vocabulary/Rating System

Bang ji le - Excellent
Hen hao - Very Good *
Yi ban - Meh (so-so)
Bu hao - Bad
Cha ji le - Shit

* (Chinese lessons have revealed the actual meaning here... we'll just go with it...)

Love Actually

For a movie I had absolutely no desire to see, I have to be honest and say that Love Actually was umm... Actually a pleasant surprise. It's a genuine, heartfelt romantic comedy that at no point feels like a chick flick. And that's saying a lot.

One of my primary reasons for dreading this film is Hugh Grant as one of the ensemble stars. I hate Hugh Grant. A lot. But he was actually fun to watch in this movie, and at no moment did I want him dead. And that's saying a lot.

Love Actually is a lot of fun and actually makes you feel for characters that never seem to be boring cardboard cutouts. Three storylines worth keeping an eye out for are a couple that meet while assisting in the pre-production of a porn film, an English Lad who had the epiphany that English girls are too stuck up for him, and he must go on an epic quest to America, and lastly the newly elected Prime Minister (Grant) who is looking for love in the... whatever passes for the British version of the White House. God, I'm such an American. And for an American to thoroughly enjoy a British romantic comedy well... that's saying a lot.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Seems to be just as much a Chinese bootleg, as it is a Japanese bootleg. Not that that's particularly interesting. Oh well.

Shawn's Rating: Hen hao
Corey's Two Cents: Bang ji le

Lost: Season 1

I've been using the internet to bootleg a bunch of shows that scream to be watched like 24, Heroes, The Office, and South Park. But up until now, we haven't really experienced the full on madness that is bootlegged Chinese television shows. (Although I did buy a strange 24 one that you can gander at back in our first bootleg review).

Regardless, Bianca, one of our fellow Foreign Teachers, is something of a Lost addict. She lent us the bootleg box set of Lost: Season 1, and I have to say... I'm pretty impressed. I know people get pretty crazy about it, but I could never rank it as high as something like 24 (or even the cheesy joy that is Heroes). Still, there's something about Lost that keeps drawing you back. Maybe it's the mystery of the island the characters have crashed on, but more likely it's the powerful characters themselves - all of whom have a fascinating back story told in flashbacks that are just as much the show's draws as the convoluted conundrum of the island.

If you haven't gotten caught up in Lost yet, clear up some time on your schedule and hit up the Season 1 DVDs. You won't be disappointed.

Shawn's Rating: Hen Hao
Corey's Two Cents: Bang ji le

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Man oh man, the Chinese out did themselves on this one. This is a nice package, complete with a solid box, and hastily glued on covers. A sight to behold indeed:

Hot Fuzz

Two of my all time favorite comedies are Super Troopers, and Shaun of the Dead. So when I heard that the makers of Shaun were making a cop comedy, you can imagine how stoked I was.

It's a good thing the movie delivers, because after self hyping Spider-Man 3 for myself, I needed something like this. The movie isn't a lame parody of the cop genre, but rather a cop movie itself. Just one that's slightly ridiculous and altogether tongue in cheek. A lot like Shaun of the Dead actually.

The movie isn't consistently funny, but it IS consistently good. While there are a lot of strong, and very funny jokes, the filmmakers are clearly more interested in crafting a great movie than a side splitter. And I'm just fine with that.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: The movie was graciously lent to us by Aaron, so alas, I never got a gander at the box.

Shawn's Rating: Bang ji le
Corey's Two Cents: Bang ji le

Jackass: Number Two

This was actually among the first bootlegs I bought when I got to Dalian. It's been sitting in the "to watch" pile for quite some time, because well, I've seen it already. I bought it because I knew there would come a time when the stars would be aligned, and I would NEED to see this film again.

You see, Jackass: Number Two is pretty much our generations equivalent of Citizen Kane. Only... it's better. The character drama, the innovative plot structure, the acting and of course...

Ok, ok... this movie was brought out of the "to watch" pile because it is the PERFECT movie to end a night of low key drinking with some friends. It's not a movie anyone will pass out while watching. Unless it's from disgust. Say what you will about Jackass, but it will keep you glued to the screen. Whether that's due to disgust or sheer elation is up to the person watching.

And of course, being a little bit drunk while viewing it doesn't hurt at all.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: It may look like Edward Norton, but it's all an Illusion. The movie apparently actually stars Martin Lawrence. Good trick.

Shawn's Rating: Bang ji le
Corey's Two Cents: Yi Ban

Go forth and check out these DVDs. Your life will be better off for it! Except of course Jackass : Number Two. People are only worse off for that one.

- Shawn

Lovely Faces of the Future (Aston School)

2007-05-24T23:52:00.000+08:00

So I was recently asked to take portraits of our fellow teachers.... I'm not sure what they'll be used for but the Chinese Teachers did an excellent job of lending themselves, and their vast array of personalities to some great pictures. I would like to thank all of them for being so willing, and open to the idea of being photographed ( lying!! they loved it for sure!!)

Christine

Winnie

Winnie

Harry (short for Harry Potter)

Louis

Helen

Beme (our chinese teacher)

Beme (still our Chinese teacher)

Archie

Tony

Lucia

Amy

Bonnie

Lily

Lily

Snow

Well I hope you enjoy these portraits. These are the people who make our days go faster and smoother. They're pretty awesome, and always full of new things for us foreigners to do, try or eat in Dalian! I hope you can get an idea of their personalities from the portraits.

Photo Props

2007-05-23T21:25:00.000+08:00

What's going on here? I don't think Corey is giving into the recent celebrity inspired trend of adopting Asian babies, and I'm pretty sure she isn't being confused for the Pope or a president... so then how did she come to have a confused child placed in her arms?

It's a phenomenon I may have mentioned before as a side note in previous posts, but it deserves the full attention of a post unto itself. You'd need to be fairly visually impaired not to notice the differences between the Chinese and their "western" friends. Many Chinese are so tickled by the idea of us foreigners that they'll drop whatever they're doing to try and get us to take a photo with them. Or their bewildered child.

Since us foreigners usually travel in packs, we are often recruited to take the picture, making it hard to take one of the strange scene ourselves. Luckily this time (way back from the Dandong trip to be honest), there were enough of us around that I was able to sneak behind the unsuspecting shutterbug and not only take the same picture she was (as seen above), but take a behind the scenes shot as well!

All in all, it's a strange but flattering thing. It doesn't happen often, but when they do, they tend to be generally excited by it and very friendly. If you're lucky they'll even blush a little bit, and I'm not just talking about the little kids forced by their parents. So cute.

I find myself getting stared at a lot here in China, and one thing I don't do after responding to giggled "hello"s and "what's your name"s, is shouting out the perennial classic line of "Take a picture, it'll last longer" because I know full well that they just might do that.

Say Cheese,
Shawn

Korean Kendo

2007-05-15T11:02:00.000+08:00

In order to up my marketability as an all around awesome dude (obviously just going to China isn't enough), I've taken up Kendo lessons.

The whole thing was found by Aaron, one of my coworkers. It's taught by Koreans who speak no English and very little Chinese. My Chinese is slightly above nonexistent, and although Aaron's is significantly better, it doesn't really help much. But when you see how awesome you look in the full on get up, holding a bamboo practice sword - you know that you're willing to work through the language barrier to pick up some incredible new fighting moves.

The place where we take the lessons is also worthy of note. It's on the top floor of a somewhat legal technology market in downtown Dalian. You enter the market and go up three floors on an escalator. Then, you come to two nonworking ones. You climb the first one, and if you're lucky, the second one also. Things weren't that easy when I went though. The way to the second stalled escalator is blocked by a gate, so we had to hop the escalators (narrowly avoiding a deathly technological fall).

Of course, I wouldn't have had it any other way. It's all part of learning a Japanese sword fighting martial art that's been co-opted by Koreans who claim it as their own in China, despite speaking no Chinese.

Updates on this latest endeavor will be forthcoming in the next few months, with pictures to boot.

- Shawn

Bootleg Reviews: 300, Shortbus, Spider-Man 3, and The Illusionist

2007-05-14T22:52:00.000+08:00

I know it's been a while since the last batch of these bootleg reviews, but I'd like to chalk that up to being nice and active, and making the most of this place we call China. That said, DVDs are still a way of life here, so away we go with the manly epic 300, the twisted Shortbus, the much anticipated Spider-Man 3 and The Illusionist (which for reasons unknown didn't get an adjective put in front of it).

A quick refresher on some Chinese Vocabulary/Rating System

Bang ji le - Excellent
Hen hao - Good
Yi ban - Meh (so-so)
Bu hao - Bad
Cha ji le - Shit

300

I was excited for 300 since before I came to China, but it took three bootleg DVDs before I actually secured a copy that was watchable. But it was worth the trouble.

If you've seen the trailer for 300, you'll instantly know if you'll like it or not. The review for this movie should be short and sweet because if you have an ounce of testosterone in your body, you owe it to yourself to behold the awesome might of 300.

It is raw, powerful and brutal. It is awesome. It is Sparta.

Sorry, I had to. I saw the movie a while ago, and it's still in my head.

But really, don't expect an in depth review of this one. It can, and should, be enjoyed on a simplistic, visceral level.

After you watch it, it makes you want to go out and hit something. Or someone. Repeatedly. While yelling or grunting. And that may be the highest compliment I could give to a film.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: 300, directed by Oliver Stone, staring Colin Farrell, Angelina Jolie, Val Kilmer, and Anthony Hopkin. But then three lines later, they get the director right. Close enough.

Shawn's Rating: Bang ji le
Corey's Two Cents: Hen hao

Shortbus

Despite the occasional dirty words, I do my best to keep my blog posts as all age friendly as possible. PG-13 at most. Thing is Shortbus is a movie as far removed from all age friendly as possible. It is the most graphic and sexually explicit movie I have seen outside of hardcore pornography, and in many ways more offensive. (To those offended by these sorts of things).

Of course, even those not easily offended may find Shortbus to be a hard film to digest. Not only does it show you things you've probably never even dreamed of, it makes the viewer think about them throughout the movie, and long after.

That said, despite the explicit and sometimes a little disturbing sexual imagery, I think Shortbus is an important movie that has a lot to say about the alternative youth culture in America. Namely: they're all sorts of fucked up in the head.

Kidding. Sort of.

Shortbus is not for the feint of heart, but I recommend in nontheless. At least to certain people. Sorry I can't give details though. It's not even the people that'll be repulsed I'm worried about. Those of you that want to see it shouldn't have this stuff ruined for you in advanced.

Go into Shortbus with an open mind, and expect to find that even at your most liberal, you still have a long way to go.

Shawn's Rating: Hen Hao
Corey's Two Cents: Bang ji le

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Shortbus, like a few other films that will be reviewed in later posts, was bought in Beijing. That means that I had to ditch all the boxes en route due to legal concerns at the airport. Oh well.

Spider-Man 3

I'll assume you read these movie review posts straight through and hope that you read the bit about buying DVDs in Beijing. Our friend Cody from Syracuse took us to this great DVD store that sells loads of great Bootlegs. We bought a few of indies like the aforementioned Shortbus, and a few others we hadn't seen in Dalian yet. I bring this up because that beautiful magical store wasn't the only place selling DVDs in the country capitol. There were dudes on the street as well. One of those dudes actually came up to us on the street with a satchel filled with flicks. While telling him to leave me alone I saw him whip out Spider-Man 3. Well golly gosh, I could have sworn that one wasn't out yet anywhere, and here's this homeless looking Chinese man offering me a copy. Skeptical yet wanting to believe, I bargained him down and scored myself a copy.

Closer inspection didn't bode so well. The pictures on the back of the box were definitely not from Spidey 3. Hell, they weren't even from Spider-Man 1 or 2. Dan Akroyd was there (top box right hand side)!

But I still held on hope. I opened the package, and low and behold, they couldn't even be bothered to put in a DVD fakely labeled Spider-Man 3. It was a film named Goya's Ghost. Never heard of it. Definitely not Spider-Man.

Although I was slightly crushed, I just shrugged it off. T.I.C. I'll just grab a new bootleg in Dalian when the movie comes out. Or at least, that was the plan before I found out that a current release movie was coming to Chinese theaters in English.

Oh yes, we actually went to see a movie in a movie theater. You have to understand, this bootleg thing is really a China only phenomenon. I love seeing movies on the huge ass screen. So this was gonna be a real treat.

We went with a bunch of the teachers, got ourselves a tub of funky tasting popcorn and sat down in an imax sized theater (even though the movie itself was regular size).

Before I get into the movie, it should be noted that despite the subtitles, for a good ten minutes or so of the movie, I completely forgot I was in China - which was a weird feeling.

So anyway, my most anticipated movie of the year: Spider-Man 3. People know that I'm a huge nerd and a big Spider-Man fan, so that should be no surprise to anyone. So it should also come as no surprise to those of you that've seen the movie (which judging by the numbers at home is everyone) that I was incredibly disappointed.

I can tolerate dark emo Peter Parker (sort of funny). I can deal with Sandman killing Uncle Ben (not that big of a nerd). I can even accept the weird eXtreme snowboarder costume they gave Harry "The New Goblin" Osborne. But two musical numbers and two dance numbers taking up valuable time that could have been otherwise been filled by the criminally underused and underdeveloped Venom? Really? Why!

The parts that were good, were really good. The problem is that in retrospect I find myself thinking too much about the movie's shortcomings. The real crime is that it had so much going for it, and it just fell flat on its face.

Basically: Venom was cool, Sandman was cool, Harry was cool, the effects were cool, the weird skinny girl next door was cool, Gwen Stacy was a waste, the singing was a waste, the dancing was unbearable, and our hero Peter Parker porkered himself up a few pounds... which doesn't really make much sense if he's swinging around the city all the time.

All that said, I'll still be excited if they make a 4th.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: See above.

Shawn's Rating: Yi Ban
Corey's Two Cents: Yi Ban

The Illusionist

While it didn't take three tries to get The Illusionist to work, it did take two. The first copy stopped five minutes into the film building up some decent hype and hope for the movie.

If I recall correctly, and I do, The Illusionist came out around the same time as The Prestige - one of my favorite movies. Two magic films out at the same time will naturally draw comparisons, and that may be The Illusionists ultimate downfall. It's just nowhere near as good.

But I'll quickly try and review it on its own merit. It's a well crafted story that keeps you hooked. The final payoff was a bit too simple for me, but it works well within the story.

The Illusinist is a decent movie worth watching if you're in the mood for something light and enjoyable. But if you want a good magical mystery, I'll have to ignore what I said about trying not to compare it to The Prestige, and recommend the other instead.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: It may look like Edward Norton, but it's all an Illusion. The movie apparently actually stars Martin Lawrence. Good trick.

Shawn's Rating: Yi Ban
Corey's Two Cents: Yi Ban

Hope you enjoyed that, and check out some of the movies. If you've seen them already, let me know what you think!

Come back tomorrow (or later tonight depending on your timezone) for another update. This one involving stick based martial arts!

- Shawn

FUBAR

2007-05-11T09:48:00.000+08:00

Hey ya'll, I just wanted to share some of the pictures I've been playing with on my computer. I've never really used a program to do anything beyond fixing spots and contrast so heres what I've been playin with. Its a great way to use pics that just don't stand on their own. Enjoy!

Outhouse near our apartments
Dalian, China

Statue in Xinghai Square
Dalian, China

Mao Statue and kite
Dandong, China

Rat from Chinese calender in Xinghai Square
Dalian, China

Flowers over North Korea
Dandong, China

Catch ya soon, Corey

This Is China...

2007-05-10T10:23:00.000+08:00

Probably the most frequent question I get about life in China is about what "crazy things" I've seen recently. And to be completely honest, it's a hard one to answer because there are just so many. That, and I'm starting to get desensitized to it all. (But only a little bit, somethings will stick out no matter what.)

In one of my Bootleg Reviews, I talked about the movie Blood Diamond. In it, the viewers are introduced to the term T.I.A., This Is Africa. It's used to dismiss or deal with any of the insanity surrounding the characters (and by extension real people) in the African war-zone.

It's funny how easily adaptable it is to China. So here we are with a brand new label "T.I.C." This Is China. It'll be the place to go for any tidbits that might be used to answer the question "What crazy things have you seen recently?"

And since this is the inaugural edition of T.I.C., I'll throw you all a few bones with a random assortment of strange China stories...

ITEM! Taking the bus to (or maybe from) school one day, we got a somewhat shocking view of two bodies sprawled in the middle of the road after clearly being hit by a taxi. The police were there, as was a large crowd gathered around. No one was making any effort to clean the scene, which at home seems like a no brainer. Accident scenes are cleared as soon as possible, and crowds are pushed back. Seems to be the exact opposite here. And I said "somewhat shocking" not to play down the grotesque scene, but rather express my lack of surprise that someone(s) had gotten hit. The traffic here is insane. There are very few traffic lights to accompany the crosswalks, and even though there are crosswalks, people tend to just cross anywhere regardless. Not that this is entirely the jaywalker's fault. The drivers here are all seemingly insane. In cabs so far I have almost hit at least one person, and countless cars. I'm sure there will be more like this to come, because lets face it, T.I.C.

ITEM! While checking in at the Beijing airport, Corey and I were cut in line by not one, not two, but five people in a very grumpy group. Line cutting is the practice of the day here. Commuters line up for buses in the morning, and as soon as the bus arrives the line explodes, and everyone starts pushing and shoving to be the first to get on the bus. The strangest part is why they bother to line up in the first place. But the bus stop in the middle of the street is one thing... the airport is another. How the girl at the counter let that just be ok is beyond me, but what can you do? T.I.C.

ITEM! To get back from the Great Wall in Dandong, all of us Foreign Teachers decided to ride with a mysterious min-van back to the city. Things like this are fairly commonplace in China. The mystery vans are just as good as the legitimate buses it would seem. That's not the strange part. While getting into the van, Vicky (one of the aforementioned teachers) noticed that the van was sliding a bit. She told John (duh, another teacher - big Irish guy), and as he was going to sit in the front seat (like I said... big guy, so default shotgun) he pulled up the van's parking break while the driver was outside helping us in. While moving the break, he also moved a newspaper folded next to the driver's seat. Inside the paper was a knife with an apparently large blade. When the driver came into the van, John buckled in and accidentaly moved the paper again. The two made some knowing eye contact, but neither said anything. In Chinese, he asked us where we were from (looking at Corey and I). We said America, and excitedly, he got on his phone. Now, John didn't tell any of us about the knife at this point. We actually didn't find out about this until days later. But if I knew then what I know now, I would be as freaked out as John probably was. He's on the phone with his posse... LOOK I GOT AMERICANS IN TOW! Turns out he had his son on the phone, and it got passed around so he could practice his English with us. If you figure, the knife was definitely for his own protection. Being in the shady van business can't exactly be the safest line of work. The guy was actually incredibly nice, and shook all of our hands on our arrival. Heh, T.I.C.

ITEM! It's entirely possible that this one could happen anywhere. People get angry all the time. Thing is, it didn't happen just anywhere. It happened in China. Corey and I were on the bus home, and suddenly, the bus stopped with the driver refusing to go any further. It wasn't that far from our apartment, so we figured what the hell, we'll just walk. As we're walking we see why the bus driver didn't continue his route. There was another bus stopped. There were cars parked all around it, and a huge crowd gathered. I don't know what happened before, but we saw a man jump up and climb into the bus through a window and the proceed to launch himself at the driver, punching him repeatedly. He gets pulled off by those still on the bus, and suddenly leaps up, grabbing the hand rails and starts kicking the driver in the head. That's when the cops show up, with one of the officers climbing in through the same window to try breaking it up. That's when we started walking again. I have no idea what happened. Most likely an accident, but who knows? I've heard of fights starting on buses because their kid is slightly too tall to ride for free. They could have also been filming the new Jet Li movie. But probably not, because T.I.C.

more to come,
Shawn

Strange Moving Pictures From Dandong

2007-05-08T13:23:00.000+08:00

My recent trip to Dandong (as recounted below), wasn't only great because it provided a unique view into North Korea. It also had elements that were so strange they could only be found in China, and really only believed if you see them.

That's what this post is for. They're quick, but assuredly strange.

Like this one... in Dandong, you are seemingly discouraged from simply walking across the street.

Why walk when you can dance?

But that's nothing compared to this gem. I'm sure everyone and their mother is familiar with the Ahhhnold's classic "True Lies". Apparently even Chairman Mao.

You may think that a square in China would be a strange place for a public screening of True Lies. But obviously, The Chairman disagrees.

He likes it. Not as much as Kindergarten Cop though...

Enjoy the silliness,

Shawn

Beijing Relapse

2007-05-07T11:40:00.000+08:00

So I did indeed promise more pictures of Beijing so here are a few shots I took while we were gallivanting about this fabulous city.

Workers enjoying lunch near Ho Hai lakes
Beijing, China

Crazy snake tree in Forbidden City
Beijing, China

Bamboo graffiti in the Forbidden City
Beijing, China

The Great Wall at Simatai
Simatai, China

View from the Great Wall
Simatai, China

Enjoy, Corey

10,000 Steps to North Korea: The Ride

2007-05-06T10:34:00.000+08:00

The trips taken during the May Holiday were great. That about sums it up, but since I'm slightly more verbose than my students you might might as well buckle in for a nice long recount of the two trips Corey and I went on. The first was to scenic Bing Yu Gou (gou means Valley, so from here on out, I think I may sub that for clarity - plus, you just learned a new Chinese word) right outside of Dalian with pretty much the entire staff from our school. The second was to the Chinese/North Korean border in the Chinese city of Dandong. With an itinerary like that, you better believe there are some stories worth telling.

And pictures too. I have some visual aids for you too, but for the real bread winners, scroll down to the previous post where Corey posted some pretty jaw dropping images (especially of the border at night). And I'm not just saying that because I have to...

Bing Yu Valley

On Monday, 50 odd people - including majority of the Future 2 teaching staff, friends, relatives, and random people picked up along the way - borded a bus that had much needed seats that folded out into the eisle so that more people can fit (only in China). That night's activities sounded minimal on paper, but somehow a dinner with Lamb Blood Sausage, Lamb Entrail (and friends) Soup will stick with you. Especially if you combine that with an after dinner roast of a lamb carcass.

Mmmm...

Bright and early the next day, we headed to the valley. It was nice scenic and relaxing. Here, look.

The real standouts of the trip though were the nutty little extra flourishes that are distinctly Chinese. There was one portion where to cross a bridge you had to choose which method you want to pay to cross with. There was an almost standard bridge with parts of it replaced with rollers. That was the closest to normal. Then there was a swing bridge where you move from swing to swing, a contraption that lets you cycle across in a circular doohicky, and finally what was essentially a GIANT FREAKIN' HAMSTER WHEEL!

You want to guess which one I took?

The seemingly tranquil nature of our trip evaporated when amidst our hike, we stumbled on a concrete staircase. Now, stairs are a strange thing to encounter on a hike, but its happened before. While climbing them, Michael, the school's principal, made some comment about there being 10,000 steps. We had been walking up them for a whilE, so I thought it was quite an appropriate joke.

Turns out he doesn't joke. At least not about stairs. Ten. Thousand. Stairs. I don't want to sound like I'm whining. It wasn't that horrible, and I wasn't even particularly winded afterwards, but man... 10,000 steps suck. No two ways about it.

There was a cool temple nested in the mountain at the top which (almost) made it worthwhile.

By the time we got back to the bus to head back to Dalian, my legs were twitching (seemingly due more to the trek down a set of stairs interestingly enough) and my shoes smelled worse than... I dunno... something lamb carcass related.

All in all, Bing Yu Gou was a nice get away from the city, but it was nothing compared to what came next...

Dandong

I'm honestly not sure where to start here. Dandong itself is a rather unremarkable city. It's rather considerable draws lie outside of its city limits, but they're enough to make this one of the most memorable trips I've taken. The first order of business was the North Korean border. I'll spare you the political undertones, and the significance of being an American. It's enough to know that you're spitting distance from a place you're not only not allowed into, but will probably be shot on sight.

We took a crazy cool speedboat along a bit of the border and got a close up look at some beached, wrecked boats, some factories, and even a few errant North Koreans.

(Look closely... real live North Koreans!)

Afterwards, we walked along the Chinese side of the border and crossed a bridge destroyed during the Korean War. Only half the bridge is still standing.

Once you get to the end, you can see a North Korean Ferris Wheel that was obviously built to make people thing the place isn't as shit poor as it really is.

You can also see a bridge built parallel, that is most definitely in use... with people walking too and from China and North Korea.

We returned at night to see the much ballyhooed "North Korea at Night". It definitely lived up to the surreal hype. The whole country was pitch black, while China had all sorts of lights and light shows. Even the connecting bridge was only half lit.

It was eerie, and strangely moving. I dunno how to describe it.

The next day, we headed to Dandong's portion of the Great Wall. It is billed as the Eastern most section of the Wall.

For better or worse, having seen the Great Wall at Simatai, this place wasn't much to write home (or on the blog) about. It was severely reconstructed, in parts even looking like the brickwork on my house in Queens.

What was very cool and different comparing this chunk of Wall to Simatai, is the view. While Simatai had beautiful valleys, and a steep wall that seemingly went on forever, this part had North Korea. And North Korean views never get old. Boasting clearer views of North Korean soldiers/farmers as well as camps and the actual flag, the area around the lackluster wall was anything but.

We were really close.

Like... really close.

(Left side, China. Right side, North Korea.)

Dandong was great, and I only really did two things there. Hell, we didn't even make it to the "Museum to Commemorate U.S. Aggression". No, I'm not kidding.

The trips were great, but like all good trips to come before them, they just leave me hungry for more...

Stay tuned,
Shawn

Bingo and Ding Dong

2007-05-03T23:31:00.000+08:00

So this time our travels took us to Bing Yu Valley with our fellow teachers and to Dandong, a small city on the border of North Korea. Trippy huh? So first stop was Bing Yu Valley for a lamb roast and scenic tour which ended after an estimated 10,000 stair climb and mountain temple. The stairs were a surprise ( as in no one mentioned them) and the park was gorgeous and commercial at the same time. Props to China for merging the two so well ;).

Newly hatched tadpoles
Bing Yu Valley, China

Next up was Dandong, home to the eastern most part of the Great Wall and crowd drawing views of The North Korea. I have to admit I honestly was surprised at how much of an industry being next to N. Korea turned out to be for this small city four hours north of Dalian. In any case we were not alone in our curiosity, although we left without getting our hands on some N. Korean money!

This flower is growing in China, but the land beyond (separated by a narrow river) is N. Korea
Dandong, China

View of N. Korea though park.
Dandong, China

N. Korean through telescope.
Dandong, China

Korea by night. China emphasizes the already striking difference by putting on a light show with fountains and lighting up only half of the bridge to N. Korea. The original bridge (which stands next to it) was half destroyed by the US Air Force during the Korean War.
Dandong, China

N. Koreans at border point. This is the closest we got ( although this picture is heavily cropped). At times we were about 10-15 feet.
Tiger Mountain, China

And back on our side of the Yalu River in Dandong...

Best, Corey

Away we go, and go

2007-04-30T12:30:00.000+08:00

Ahh May Holiday. The Labor Day week is a much needed (and rarely found) break for most people in China. They flock all around the country to take full advantage of their short break.

While we may be foreigners, Corey and I are no different, and we can't wait to high tail it to not one but TWO sweet new Chinese spots. Today and tomorrow will be spent in Bin Yu Go, a scenic valley right outside of Dalian, with everyone from our school and their moms. (No, really). Then, the foreign teachers are all taking a "holiday" together to go to Dandong - where you can find the Eastern most portion of the Great Wall, as well as tip toe up to the border with North Korea.

I'm excited, and by default I'd assume the blog readership is as well.

Happy May Holiday!
- Shawn

The Picture Perfect Plan

2007-04-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

The picture above is of the outside of Future 2, the school that we work at. But if you look really closely, you may see something veeeeeerrry interesting. No? Too small? Maybe if we get a better cropped in look...

Yes ladies and gentlemen, after weeks of talk and empty promises, the latest and greatest gimmick in a long line of promotional plans has been unveiled. If you remember a few posts ago, I discussed the school's need/desire to let everyone know that they have real live foreigners in their employ. There are a lot of ESL schools in Dalian, but few have honest to god westerners. The ones that do flaunt it at every turn. Although I think our particular school may do it the most.

Not that I'm complaining. It's kind of cool to have your giant face in a window that can be seen by millions of people every day. Millions? Forget that, we're in China... BILLIONS! Of course, they need to look up first. But hey, it's a start. Maybe there'll be a bus campaign next.

The view from indoors is just as funny. Especially since my picture isn't even in the teachers room that I'm in. Corey and all the other teachers (foreign and Chinese) get to stare at my mug for the rest of forever.

But at least I block out the sun.

I don't know what I'm going to do with my newfound fame, but stay tuned to the blog for any and all further developments.

(Oh, and big ups to Corey for redoing the work of the "professional photographer". The guy they hired wouldn't even let me take a picture in my super contemplative pose. I mean... come on! I'm a teacher here. I'm supposed to think and stuff!)

And yes, this whole thing is giving me a huge ego boost. But why not? There is a giant picture of me up in China now.

- Shawn

Video Double Feature

2007-04-24T13:21:00.000+08:00

While you are all patiently waiting for the rest of Corey's kickass Beijing pictures, I thought I might interest you in a quick Video Double Feature.

See, thanks to the magic of technology, my camera has the ability to take real short video clips - and now I want to share some with you.

The first is more of an opening act. Not as crazy/interesting/oh man that's China! as the second one, but great and enjoyable in its own right. For Corey's birthday this past weekend, the foreign teachers all went to a bar named "Noah's Ark". While the name doesn't seem to have much to do with anything, it does boast live music, so there's that. Amidst a set filled with folky/Indie rock Chinese songs came a stripped down acoustic cover of Bon Jovi's comeback classic "It's My Life".

If you've ever wanted to see a Chinese house band cover the boys from New Jersey, but never knew where to look, this is the place for you.

"It's My Life" (Chinese Acoustic Cover)

Enjoy the backing vocals by the Future 2 staff as well.

And for our main act, I present to you a view from our bedroom window into the DMZ's local schoolyard. Now, I'm not sure if this clip really captures the insanity of our morning view, but it should at least come close.

Phys Ed in the DMZ

And yes, that could very well be a goat you hear. They've been sighted.

So until next time, crank some Bon Jovi on your portable MP3 player and go do some synchronized calisthenics in the back yard... otherwise you'll never be able to keep up.

- Shawn

Marketing Myself

2007-04-23T21:41:00.000+08:00

So this evening Shawn and I decided to walk around one of the markets we keep passing on the bus. It's all lit up at night and pretty busy so gotta be good, right? (maybe even some photo ops!!). Little did we know...once I set up my tripod, interest in what I was snapping at started to gain momentum and I ended up with a huge gathering looking at my every shot. No exaggeration, we took turns looking at the LCD. I even had a die hard fan who followed me to another spot and I think tried to ask me to her house, but all that was lost in translation.

One of Dalian's 'famous' fruit markets. The fruit here is picture perfect ;)
Dalian, China

Walking in the street market
Dalian, China

Later this week...more Beijing pics
Catch ya soon, Corey

The not so Forbidden City

2007-04-23T14:16:00.000+08:00

So day one we headed out to one of the most seen sights in all of China, and well, clearly we had a lot of company. Now I'm sure you've all experienced the annoyance of people walking into your shots...just as I'm sure you've all done it a million and one times as well (Think Times Square mid summer, right?). It does suck when you want to capture that picturesque pagoda or Gaudi's Sagrada Familia but you can't get it cause life just keeps happening in your way! Well, I turned the camera around on those digi toting, fanny pack wearing tourists (myself included) who really make these places what they are (and mite more interesting to boot). So I hope you enjoy checking out whats going on in the city that today has come a long way from being forbidden.

Little girls playing hand games inside pagoda in Forbidden City
Beijing, China

Little boy posing for mom in the Forbidden City
Beijing, China

The photographers snapping away
Beijing, China

Tour group (one of many) perusing the gardens of the Forbidden City
Beijing, China

Late morning snooze in the gardens of the Forbidden City
Beijing, China