A quick refresher on some Chinese Vocabulary/Rating System
Bang ji le - Excellent
Hen hao - Good
Yi ban - Meh (so-so)
Bu hao - Bad
Cha ji le - Shit
300
I was excited for 300 since before I came to China, but it took three bootleg DVDs before I actually secured a copy that was watchable. But it was worth the trouble.
If you've seen the trailer for 300, you'll instantly know if you'll like it or not. The review for this movie should be short and sweet because if you have an ounce of testosterone in your body, you owe it to yourself to behold the awesome might of 300.
It is raw, powerful and brutal. It is awesome. It is Sparta.
Sorry, I had to. I saw the movie a while ago, and it's still in my head.
But really, don't expect an in depth review of this one. It can, and should, be enjoyed on a simplistic, visceral level.
After you watch it, it makes you want to go out and hit something. Or someone. Repeatedly. While yelling or grunting. And that may be the highest compliment I could give to a film.
CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: 300, directed by Oliver Stone, staring Colin Farrell, Angelina Jolie, Val Kilmer, and Anthony Hopkin. But then three lines later, they get the director right. Close enough.
Shawn's Rating: Bang ji le
Corey's Two Cents: Hen hao
Shortbus
Despite the occasional dirty words, I do my best to keep my blog posts as all age friendly as possible. PG-13 at most. Thing is Shortbus is a movie as far removed from all age friendly as possible. It is the most graphic and sexually explicit movie I have seen outside of hardcore pornography, and in many ways more offensive. (To those offended by these sorts of things).
Of course, even those not easily offended may find Shortbus to be a hard film to digest. Not only does it show you things you've probably never even dreamed of, it makes the viewer think about them throughout the movie, and long after.
That said, despite the explicit and sometimes a little disturbing sexual imagery, I think Shortbus is an important movie that has a lot to say about the alternative youth culture in America. Namely: they're all sorts of fucked up in the head.
Kidding. Sort of.
Shortbus is not for the feint of heart, but I recommend in nontheless. At least to certain people. Sorry I can't give details though. It's not even the people that'll be repulsed I'm worried about. Those of you that want to see it shouldn't have this stuff ruined for you in advanced.
Go into Shortbus with an open mind, and expect to find that even at your most liberal, you still have a long way to go.
Shawn's Rating: Hen Hao
Corey's Two Cents: Bang ji le
CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Shortbus, like a few other films that will be reviewed in later posts, was bought in Beijing. That means that I had to ditch all the boxes en route due to legal concerns at the airport. Oh well.
Spider-Man 3
I'll assume you read these movie review posts straight through and hope that you read the bit about buying DVDs in Beijing. Our friend Cody from Syracuse took us to this great DVD store that sells loads of great Bootlegs. We bought a few of indies like the aforementioned Shortbus, and a few others we hadn't seen in Dalian yet. I bring this up because that beautiful magical store wasn't the only place selling DVDs in the country capitol. There were dudes on the street as well. One of those dudes actually came up to us on the street with a satchel filled with flicks. While telling him to leave me alone I saw him whip out Spider-Man 3. Well golly gosh, I could have sworn that one wasn't out yet anywhere, and here's this homeless looking Chinese man offering me a copy. Skeptical yet wanting to believe, I bargained him down and scored myself a copy.
Closer inspection didn't bode so well. The pictures on the back of the box were definitely not from Spidey 3. Hell, they weren't even from Spider-Man 1 or 2. Dan Akroyd was there (top box right hand side)!
But I still held on hope. I opened the package, and low and behold, they couldn't even be bothered to put in a DVD fakely labeled Spider-Man 3. It was a film named Goya's Ghost. Never heard of it. Definitely not Spider-Man.
Although I was slightly crushed, I just shrugged it off. T.I.C. I'll just grab a new bootleg in Dalian when the movie comes out. Or at least, that was the plan before I found out that a current release movie was coming to Chinese theaters in English.
Oh yes, we actually went to see a movie in a movie theater. You have to understand, this bootleg thing is really a China only phenomenon. I love seeing movies on the huge ass screen. So this was gonna be a real treat.
We went with a bunch of the teachers, got ourselves a tub of funky tasting popcorn and sat down in an imax sized theater (even though the movie itself was regular size).
Before I get into the movie, it should be noted that despite the subtitles, for a good ten minutes or so of the movie, I completely forgot I was in China - which was a weird feeling.
So anyway, my most anticipated movie of the year: Spider-Man 3. People know that I'm a huge nerd and a big Spider-Man fan, so that should be no surprise to anyone. So it should also come as no surprise to those of you that've seen the movie (which judging by the numbers at home is everyone) that I was incredibly disappointed.
I can tolerate dark emo Peter Parker (sort of funny). I can deal with Sandman killing Uncle Ben (not that big of a nerd). I can even accept the weird eXtreme snowboarder costume they gave Harry "The New Goblin" Osborne. But two musical numbers and two dance numbers taking up valuable time that could have been otherwise been filled by the criminally underused and underdeveloped Venom? Really? Why!
The parts that were good, were really good. The problem is that in retrospect I find myself thinking too much about the movie's shortcomings. The real crime is that it had so much going for it, and it just fell flat on its face.
Basically: Venom was cool, Sandman was cool, Harry was cool, the effects were cool, the weird skinny girl next door was cool, Gwen Stacy was a waste, the singing was a waste, the dancing was unbearable, and our hero Peter Parker porkered himself up a few pounds... which doesn't really make much sense if he's swinging around the city all the time.
All that said, I'll still be excited if they make a 4th.
CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: See above.
Shawn's Rating: Yi Ban
Corey's Two Cents: Yi Ban
The Illusionist
While it didn't take three tries to get The Illusionist to work, it did take two. The first copy stopped five minutes into the film building up some decent hype and hope for the movie.
If I recall correctly, and I do, The Illusionist came out around the same time as The Prestige - one of my favorite movies. Two magic films out at the same time will naturally draw comparisons, and that may be The Illusionists ultimate downfall. It's just nowhere near as good.
But I'll quickly try and review it on its own merit. It's a well crafted story that keeps you hooked. The final payoff was a bit too simple for me, but it works well within the story.
The Illusinist is a decent movie worth watching if you're in the mood for something light and enjoyable. But if you want a good magical mystery, I'll have to ignore what I said about trying not to compare it to The Prestige, and recommend the other instead.
CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: It may look like Edward Norton, but it's all an Illusion. The movie apparently actually stars Martin Lawrence. Good trick.
Shawn's Rating: Yi Ban
Corey's Two Cents: Yi Ban
Hope you enjoyed that, and check out some of the movies. If you've seen them already, let me know what you think!
Come back tomorrow (or later tonight depending on your timezone) for another update. This one involving stick based martial arts!
- Shawn
2 comments:
Venom was criminally underdeveloped?! What's to develop with him? He's a freakin alien for christ's sake. What did you want them to do? Join forces with the Avengers to go to some alien planet, have peter by a can of coke, get a venom instead, and come back to the Earth all confused like since they erased his memory of that horrid series?
Exactly! How hard would that have been! Replace the MJ/Harry twist scene with an evil soda machine from Beyond!
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