The One Month Mark

So it'd seem that somehow we've been in China for a month. I'm not really sure how that happened.

It's been a busy month, packed with a whole lot that I'm still digesting (not talking about the Dan Chao Fan though... that goes down mighty smooth) but I can say that Corey and I are definitely acclimating to life in China fairly fast.

I'm at the point where I can walk to a stand on the street and get myself a bottle of water with no trouble, and even a few words of relevant Chinese. We can go into a restaurant, and order a full meal without needing to rely on our tattered paper of dishes that we got on our second day here. Although, if we want some variety we're sort of screwed. But only for now. I've got a feeling we'll be just fine.

That's not to say we're not still sticking out like sore thumbs everywhere we go. But that won't change ever. Westerners get shocked stares all over the place here, but it's becoming less and less unsettling.

(Still sort of unsettling though.)

For instance, Corey and I were eating at a restaurant across from our gym, and two drunk Chinese guys came over, sat down and ordered us a round of beers. Their English was terrible, but still light years ahead of our Chinese. As weird as it was, it was a friendly gesture, and we enjoyed the strange few minutes we shared. (I think... it could have been a dare from their large table of equally drunk friends.)

Still though, on our way out, they insisted we sit with them, making the Fu Yuan (waiter) bring them two more chairs and another round of TsingTaos.

I guess we're celebrities or something. Strange, funny-looking, foreign celebrities. And the blown up pictures of us aren't even up in the windows of our school yet (more on that soon!)

On the topic of upcoming blog postings, this being the one month mark means that I'm retiring the Ni Hao label. We're not saying hello anymore, we're going to have to continue the conversation with some new and exciting things. (By the way, anyone looking for a Chinese pick up line - "Ni Hao Ma" is the equivalent of Joey from Friends' "How you doin'?" And you say it basically with the same intonations as Joey. Just in case you wanted to know.)

It's been a month and we're getting used to life here, but there's still a lot more to get used to. Maybe in a few months when the drunk Chinese come over to chat we can blow their minds with some butchered Chinese responses.

But hey, it's only been a month. I can't wait to see what it'll be like in a year.

- Shawn

The Name Game

I'm pretty sure I mentioned this in an earlier post, but one of the best parts of my job (and I'm sure Corey will agree) is that if we ever get a new English student without an English name, we get to name them.

In training, we were regaled of stories of the naming schemes people came up with for their students. There were "Superman"s and "Batman"s, some "Bender"s and "Fry"s, and the occasional Apu.

Now, of course this is hilarious, but if you think about it... it's sort of cruel. Even by my standards. So I decided to skip the super hero names (for this semester at least...) and went with a TV show very close to my heart.

My first nameless kid was to be bestowed with the manliest of manly American names: Jack. In one of the clearest examples of our cultural divide, he refused. I know, I don't get it. He was named Tony instead.



The next kid I got to name accepted the honor of being called Jack right off the bat. Clearly he understood the power and meaning behind it. Either that, or he was just really confused why the Foreign Teacher was talking to him so loudly.



So I had my Jack and Tony. I was sort of peeved I didn't get to name anyone else, but this weekend, the floodgates opened with an odd influx of new students. I was overwhelmed.

When I got to name another one yesterday, I knew Jack and Tony would need an adversary should they ever meet.

Enter Victor.



Proud of myself, I didn't think I'd need to name anyone else so I was caught off guard in my next class. But I figured, the kid seemed level headed and good in a pinch (of course I gathered all of this in 20 seconds). Welcome to Future English School Bill.



Soon after though, I realized I missed a great potential for a name. I got lucky when I had a new student this morning. I named him in honor of one our countries most beloved, and heroic, fallen icons.

We miss you Edgar, but now you'll live on.



So those are the kids I've named so far. I'm hoping for more, and planning a new system for next semester. Maybe there'll be Spider-Man butchering my language right in front of me.

But until then, I do need to contend with this guy:



I didn't name him, and he isn't suave at all. But he sure does have a license to piss off me and my Chinese Teacher.

Yeah. I got a kid named James Bond.

peace,
Shawn

Tone Deaf

So thanks to one of the Chinese Teachers, Beme, Corey and I had our first impromptu Chinese lesson. We've both managed to pick up a few words here and there, but never anything resembling a formal lesson.

Let me just say that this is going to be a lot harder than I thought. First some back story: on one of our first nights here, all of the foreign teachers went out to a restaurant. We figured we'd order some nice cold beers with dinner, so armed with only a brand name (Tsing Tao - pronounced ChingDao), we tried to order. Our waiter stared blankly at us as we kept pressing for ChingDaos. We knew we were pronouncing it right, so maybe they just didn't have it or something. A quick dictionary check revealed the word for beer (Pi jiou). After asking for Pi jiou, the waiter nodded enthusiastically. Great success! But then of course, he wanted to know what kind we wanted... and asked us: "ChingDao?" Now... to this day, we can all swear that we said it correctly to begin with, but our waiter (Fu Yuan) would have disagreed. Apparently even though it sounded exactly the same to us, it was such an abomination of the language that he couldn't understand us at all.

And it's been a recurring theme here. If you mispronounce something even slightly, you're met with blank stares. Back home, if someone comes up to you with butchered English, you can usually piece together what they're trying to say. Not here. And no matter how hard we've been trying, whenever they've corrected us, its sounded exactly the same.

So back to our lesson. Beme introduced us to the various subtle tones in Chinese, as well as the nature of the Chinese characters. It's actually all very interesting, and I really believe that given time I'll be able to pick it up and use it. Maybe even understand it. Maybe.

Oh, and speaking of being tone deaf... after our lesson, most of the teachers (Chinese and Foreign alike) went out to KTV for Allen's, one of the staff members, going away party. KTV is what the Chinese call their Karaoke. Except it's not like a Karaoke place in the states. You don't get to see strangers butcher songs, it's just you and your friends in a private room, with booming loud speakers, crazy laser lights, and Santa Clause lights flying around on the floor.

Get ready to sing a lot of Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, and Spice Girls, look like an idiot, and like it.

- S


Spice Girls - "Viva Forever"


Robbie Williams - "Angels"

A Year of the Rats Special Report: Home Away from Home, Pt 3 of 3

If anyone out there in Internet land thinks this post is a bit late, I'd like to apologize. But really, it's not. I just don't think you really understand the nature of this whole other side of the world time difference thingy. Riiiiight.

Actually, I should realize that promising to deliver anything on the weekend is a fairly unrealistic idea. Class all day on Saturday and Sunday makes it sort of tough to do anything besides go to class and sleep. Hell, it requires enough effort not to do both at the same time.

But the in and outs of actually teaching in China is the subject of another blog post, another blog day. Today, right now, Year of the Rats proudly presents.... pictures of our apartment.

Bum bum buuuuuuuum.

So come on in, take of your shoes. And of course... slip on some slippers.



Here you can see our rather large selection of slippers. It's really cool to see how smoothly our Chinese visitors get their sneakers off and get into a pair of these. No fumbling, no thought. Just what seems like one impossibly slick motion.

Oh, and the ones on the far right are mine. Don't even think about touching those.



So this right here is the first thing you'll see coming into the apartment. Our little computer setup, and a glimpse at the largely unused entertainment center. Anything else catching your eye?

This guy?



That there is our wireless hub, guarded by a deceptively mean rooster.

So lets take a stroll through the living room.



Check out the view from one of our two (unpictured) couches. Here you can see the tv, the unworking Wii, and our as yet undecorated shelves. Except for the one on the bottom right that has our small, yet growing, selection of bootleg DVDs. And the shelf above that... is that...



It is! A fish tank! Meet Ando, one of the two goldfish Corey and I picked up early last week. His friend Hiro is no longer with us unfortunately... but soon we will find a new friend for Ando.

A moment please.


Aaaaaaand we're off again.



Here is bedroom number one, with its large open windows, stylish cabinets, and bed with no mattress, I like to refer to this room as "my room."



The bed with no mattress is also ideal for hanging laundry. Huzzah.

To the right, we have bedroom number two.



Note the stylish pink curtains, and the large window that gives you great views of the DMZ such as the sea of garbage, and the maximum security school. (See previous post)

Now lets take a walk back through the living room.



And what is that I see beyond the plants (both fake, and real)?



Here we have our breakfast nook. We got a bit of a table, a microwave, and is that a water cooler?



Not quite. It's our handy dandy water purifier. Keeping the Chinese population healthy since 1973. (Or some year)



A quick 360 degree twirl will put you at these two mysterious doors. I wonder... what's behind door number one?



It's part one of our bathroom! Notice the cool flash effect off of our kickass glass counter.

And behind door number two?



You guessed it! Part two of the bathroom! And as a surprise bonus, you also get... the washing machine!

Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on how you want to look at it), we don't have a traditional Chinese wet bathroom. In one of these, you have your shower head and a toilet in the same room, but no partition. The entire room is meant to be one fun, wet, cleansing experience.

Ah well. Lets take a step out of the bathrooms.



Turning left at the breakfast nook, we get a look at the glass doors to our enclosed balcony/kitchen. Lets step inside!



A sink! And a chopstick!

And if you turn around again, you'll see our last picture of this three part photo-extravaganza. No flash this time, as I wanted everyone to take a nice look out into the DMZ.



Didn't work quite as well as I had hoped, so maybe sometime soon we'll get the photographer to post some pictures. And hopefully of things more interesting than our barely working stove.

Peace and love from China,

- Shawn

A Year of the Rats Special Report: Home Away from Home, Pt 2 of 3

Safe from the nonexistent dangers of the Demilitarized Zone, our guided tour continues inside the apartment. But wait! If this is part two of three, I couldn't possibly show you the piece de resistance (the actual apartment of course). It's a good thing there's something else of worth to take up your valuable internet reading time.

The view.

As everyone knows, a window is only as good as its view. Of course it helps if it's well built and clean... but the view is the best part.

Especially here.



See all those little kids lined up? That's a school. Looks like a maximum security school for little monsters, and it makes sense given some of the kids I teach. But damn. Maybe at some point I'll get into the YouTube game and upload some videos of the marching drills these kids do. It looks like army bootcamp for 7 year olds. Doesn't really help them stay under control in my class though.

If you look down a bit, you can see the outer wall of the school, where there's a walkway, and another wall. Then, there's your first glimpse of the sea.



You see it? It's not actually a sea of water. Oh no. That there is the sea of garbage. (Quite appropriate post-monsoon I might add).

Here, take a better look.



Tomorrow is the inside of the apartment. Really.

- Shawn

A Year of the Rats Special Report: Home Away from Home, Pt 1 of 3

Perhaps the second most commonly asked question Corey and I get about life in China is in regards to where we live.

What's it like? Is it modern? Is it close to such and such thing? Is it clean? Is it safe? Etcetera, etcetera.

Well, over the next three days, I'm going to answer the question burning in all of your minds.

But how can he drag this out over three days, you're no doubt asking yourself. It's quite simple really... and it starts with this post right here... we're going to go step by step, to try and paint a full picture for you. So before we even step inside our freshly cleaned abode, lets spend this entry exploring right outside Casa de Corey and Shawn.

First, there is our little residential compound/neighborhood which I have just decided to name "The Demilitarized Zone". Partly because I can't remember the Chinese name, and partly because even if I did, I'd have know idea what it meant.

If you turn the corner, you're greeted by our neighbor's house. It's a garbage dump. Really.

Oh yeah, and then there's this... I think this is the neighborhood's air purifier. Or something.

I don't want to paint an entirely gloomy picture though. There is a farm of sorts...

So those are a few shots of my neighborhood (The DMZ). Lets walk a minute or two backwards and go right in front of the apartment. Here you can see the pile of rubble that was our place-marker for the first two weeks before someone had the nerve to clean it all up! What were they thinking?

I really miss that pile. Now lets do an about face. Look, it's our doorway. Well, I guess doorway implies a door. Lets just call it an entrance.

Now if you walk up three flights of stairs, you'll get to the top floor, also known as our floor. Here take a look:

See that ladder to the right of our door? It leads right up to the roof. The footprints on the wall lead me to deduce that they've been used Watson!

Oh, and just so there's no confusion... the ladder up to the roof is very simple to use. Just climb straight up. There's no door, or hatch, or covering or anything. Just our foyer, and the elements. It's really nice on sunny days. The rainy days, well... who doesn't like chunks of rooftop outside their door in the morning?





I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea here. I know I've been somewhat... sarcastic... about The DMZ, but I really actually like it. Maybe it's because it reminds me of my Romanian roots, maybe because it has a certain charm that can't come through in pictures, maybe because it's so fucking scary with no lights at night and it makes me realize how thankful I am that there are no vampires in China.

You really get to appreciate the little things I guess.

Join us tomorrow as we take a walk INSIDE the apartment! More of the same? An oasis? Most likely somewhere in between I'd say.

Until then... good day from China,

- Shawn

Stuff

Getting stuff in China has proven to be quite interesting indeed. Some stuff is easy to come by, and other stuff... not so easy.

Interestingly (maybe), DaLian has two Wal-Marts, so getting western-ish goods isn't THAT big of a problem. Although there seems to be no cheese anywhere. The thing is, for the good stuff, you don't go to Wal-Mart.

Oh no. Oh no no no no.

DVDs
China, much like the appropriately named China-Town of cities such as New York, has a vibrant and booming bootleg DVD trade. And here is how it works: You walk into a store that has CDs and a few assorted legal DVDs. You peruse for a few seconds, and then an employee comes up to you. In barely audible English (or I guess still Chinese...) they ask "DVD?" You nod. And then they show you a small stack. You shake your head and gesture "More... ummm... bigger selection... ummm... more!" This is followed by some more nodding, and some whispered Chinese between employees.

The next thing you know, you're running after the employee who is taking you down some winding route into a strange locker in a basement that is filled to the brim with bootlegs. At this point, you peruse to your hearts content. Be sure to pay attention to what is written on the back. Sometimes they are actually descriptions of the movie inside. Sometimes they don't have that many copy errors. But most of the time they do, and most of the time they're about a different movie. But worry not. Just because your copy of Casino Royale has the rating info for Corpse Bride, it'll be Casino Royale. The Chinese are good with pictures. Maybe not so much with words.

The best though was the bootlegged "Man of the Year" which had a negative review for the film printed on the back.

Close enough.

So then you grab your stack. The employee will take them, and rush you back upstairs to the store. Then comes the bargaining. They'll type out the price on a calculator. No matter what it is, fake incredulity. Nuh uh sistah... you gotta do better. So type your preferred price. Keep at it for a while, and see how low they'll go.

It's like limbo, but MORE illegal.

Oh, and when you get home... don't expect all of them to work, so buy a few. They're cheap. And if you're really good on the calculator - they're REALLY cheap. (I didn't bargain nearly enough the first time. I'll show them next time!)

Of course this isn't the only way to get your bootlegs. Sometimes you can just be on the street. Most of the basics'll still apply, but be prepared to follow winding routes into strange apartments. Oh yeah, and if they start making obscene hand gestures when they say DVD... just make sure you know what kinda DVDs you're in for.

Apparently they'll bootleg anything.


CELL PHONES
Just like America, China has tons of cell phone stores, stands and kiosks. But apparently, you only use them if you're a complete fucking loser.

Kidding.

Sort of.

The way Corey and I were told (and subsequently taken) to buy a cell phone, is to go to the guy on the street. You know... the guy.

You go into his little shack on the side street, and with someone who speaks Chinese, you get them to show you there selection of phones. Keep in mind, said selection may be presented to you out of a duffel bag. And they may get more brought to them in a plastic bag while you're negotiating.

Yeah, that's what happened. But what can I say? The phone works. Not so much in the apartment... but that's probably the apartment's fault.

Oh yeah, and you get to choose and buy your cell phone number. They're priced according to the amount of unlucky numbers in them. Really.

So of course us idiot Westerners are looking for numbers with as many 4's in them as possible. They practically give them away. All you need to do is be willing to tempt fate every time you use your phone or something.

I don't get it, but hey, I'll go with it.


TOYS
Just a quick note here, as I haven't really bought any toys here. But in many of the stores, I was sort of surprised by what I saw. Sort of.

You know the Chinese stores you have down the block from wherever it is you live? You know all the shitty knockoff toys they sell?

Yeah. That's what they have here. Everywhere. Even in the aforementioned Wal-Marts.


So I guess the take away message of this post is that no matter how different China is from home... when it comes to STUFF, China ain't that different from say... Canal Street.

- S

The Day Before Yesterday...

So remember that morning typhoon I wrote about in the last post? Forget about it. That was nothing compared to what happened later that night.

When we left school, our manager Fiona told us to be careful because the wind was very bad. We all laughed it off, thinking it was nice of them to still be overly concerned for their wide eyed and always confused foreign teachers. But when we got outside, it was a different story all together.

There were apparently class 10 hurricane winds blowing snow and ice everywhere, not to mention pieces of buildings and signs. Oh... and people. One of my coworkers saw people being blown down the street on their asses trying to grab on to anything they could.

All we had to do was walk from the school to the bus stop right down the street. Of course the "all we had to do" part was a joke. It was so crazy that it was more funny than scary, and it only got worse once we got off the bus by our apartments.

Of course we realized that if we wanted to eat anything we'd need to go out, so imagine eight foreigners huddled in a private room of a hole in the wall restaurant in china while gale winds are blowing the door in.

Food was great though. Interesting aside: despite all the talk of "Chinese food in China won't be the same" they make GREAT Kung Pow Chicken here.

Anyways, after dinner and a few TsingTaos, it was time to make the trek back to our apartments.

The short walk back was made a bit more exciting by the fact that the apartment complex was basically one giant iced over wind tunnel. The best way to sum this all up is that there is nothing cooler than having to hold on to a wall so you don't get blown away, while yelling at your friend to stay down after she got knocked off of her feet, and watching another friend get blown into a truck.

Straight out of a movie, straight from DaLian, China.

- Shawn

Educational Monsoons

Man, a lot's happened since the last post, but such is the way of moving into a new city/apartment/job/hemisphere all at once.

We had an insanely hectic two days of training, where we were "fully prepared" to teach. Man, I wish I was telling you this story in person. I feel like I need to be there to fully exaggerate the quotation marks there.

Not that the training was bad at all. It was just a lot to absorb all at once. Suddenly, the next thing we know, we're all planning lesson plans for a full day of classes on Saturday.

Winging it would be an understatement.

But somehow, it wasn't disastrous. And I have to say, I'm really enjoying this whole teaching thing. There's just a feeling of doing something worthwhile that has been missing for... well... a long time.

That, and the kids are really fucking cute. And when they're not, and they insist on being pains in the ass instead, well... you can have a lot of fun with them anyways.

Like pushup time.



But really, these kids are damn smart. Ignoring the English levels (which are obviously very varied), one 11 year old blew me away today when we got into a discussion at break about the city population of New York. He asked me how many, and I hazarded a guess figuring it didn't really matter what I said. Boy was I wrong. I had thought he was curious, but it was more him testing my knowledge. Suffice to say he knew a lot more of the population break down of New York than I ever did. Or ever will.





My guess

His correction.

His break down of New York City proper.

And America as a whole



But what the hell, he still had to do pushups.

Anyhoo, it's raining now, and while DaLian rarely gets rain (or so I'm told), the entire city is flooded due to a non existant drainage system. Getting to school this morning was more of a platform jumping video game type experience than a commute.

I didn't really feel like taking the time out of my puddle/river dodging to take pictures, but here is a quick shot of a staricase that was more like waterfall.



Meh... doesn't really do it justice. Well just imagine waking up to view of a sea of garbage outside your bedroom window.

And on the topic of apartment views, I bid you adieu. More on Corey and my living arangements next time (when there are some good pictures).

Stay dry,
- Shawn

Dazed and Confused

So right off the bat let me just say that having the entire blogger page pop up in Chinese was an unexpected twist that caused me to lose the nice long post that I wrote. Well, you're all lucky that I'm not tired at all, because I'm gonna try to recreate it all. Just for you.

There wasn't much to report yesterday. We arrived in Dalian after a nice and long travel day. I have to admit that somehow, the twenty plus hours of traveling went by very quickly and easily. Doubtless this is in no small part thanks to two laptops, an assortment of random DVDs, and in flight pizza. We arrived in Dalian and were met by some of the staff from our school, Future 2. Corey and I also met two other foreign teachers while we were waiting for our luggage. Somehow, we were able to tell who they were. Somehow.

Our apartment is still occupied, so for the next day or so Corey and I are being put up in a hotel. Laura and Vickie (the two other foreign teachers) say that their apartments are "quite nice", and a few of the staff members at our school told us that our apartment is very big. Should be interesting once we move in. Interesting in a good way.

This morning, the four of us were all rounded up by Louis, one of the Chinese teachers, who took us to the police station to get registered with the (duh) police. Afterwards we went to our school where we met a bunch of the teaching staff. Most of whose names escape me. Give me time.

After a quick look at and around the school, Louis took us out to a traditional lunch at a restaurant across the street from the school. When you walk in on the first floor, there are an assortment of fish tanks. The four of us stood bewildered as Louis asked us to pick our lunch. Indecisive westerners that we are, Louis pointed at two, and we watched as some dude netted the fish, pulled them out of the tank, and bashed them against a bucket a few times before taking them off to be prepared to our liking.

Since we were a large party (six of us now including Louis' girlfriend), we were taken up to a private room on the fourth floor where there was a large table, a couch, and a television. On the table was a big wheel where all the dishes were put.

Now, people that know me have often accused me of being a picky eater. All I can say is: screw you guys. I ate it all. From the egg batter fried pumpkin sticks, to the standard steamed broccoli with garlic, and of course, our friend the fish from before.

Yeah. This guy:

After lunch, we went downtown to what seemed like an endless string of malls. They were... overwhelming... to say the least. I promise there'll be more on the scintillating subject of malls as soon as I have something more to say than "wow, I have no idea what's going on."

Well, it'll probably be sooner to be honest. I have a feeling "wow, I have no idea what's going on" is going to be a prevalent theme for the next few weeks.

- Shawn