Bootlegs are one of the primary sources of entertainment for stranded foreigners, so I figured it would be only fair to pad out the blog's post count with a new feature of Bootleg Reviews. So after every four or five digested bootlegs, expect one of these suckers.
Like any good reviewer, I have my own rating system. Well... I don't know if it can qualify as my own, many thanks go out to my good friend Louis, who provided me with the necessary translations:
Bang ji le - Excellent
Hen hao - Good
Yi ban - Meh (so-so)
Bu hao - Bad
Cha ji le - Shit
In addition, Corey has been graciously volunteered to throw in her two cents as well, so after my nonsensical write up and rating, we'll see what she thinks in a much more concise, yet equally foreign way.
So lets get to the flicks...
PROOF
All star casts are rarely enough to sell me on a movie, but hey... Jake Gyllenhall and Anthony Hopkins are alright in my book, so when Corey snagged proof, I was willing to give it a shot - even though it was a movie about math.
Now, you may think that a movie about math has to be boring as hell, and you know what... it'd appear that you're completely right.
I barely remember the movie, but I remember enough to tell you that this movie is about as predictable as they come, and the only redeeming quality is... ummm... I guess it keeps you interested enough to hope that something resembling a twist is coming. But it never does. And it's about math. That'll lose you points no matter what.
CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: On the back of the box, under the (surprisingly) coherent description of the movie, we are treated to a description of the special features to be found on Desperado and El Mariachi. Oh, and when it comes to the cast breakdown, it changes to some direct to video Seven Segal cast list.
Shawn's Rating: Bu hao
Corey's Two Cents: Yi ban
SMOKIN' ACES
Remember that bit about an all star cast that I mentioned in the above review? Well screw Proof, Smokin' Aces is your one stop shop for a really packed line up of celebrity stars and cameos.
But like I said before, I'm not too impressed by a cast list.
I guess it's a good thing then that Smokin' Aces delivers. The movie is pure 100% fun. Sure the plot is sort of thin, but it's enough to keep the ridiculous and over the top violence and action going, and enough to make you care about any character casualties.
Oh yeah, and Ryan Reynolds is the sexiest man alive. I feel confident saying that.
It's also got Ari from Entourage. I'd say it's probably hard not to like this one.
Basically, see this movie. If you liked Boondock Saints, or hated Proof, this movie is for you. Rent it, snag a bootleg, buy it if you're so inclined just trust me and see it. You'll never enjoy watching neo-nazi assassins kill people with chainsaws as much as with this one.
Special thanks to Aaron for lending us this one. We owe ya 300 mate.
CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Nothing too spectacular here, but the bottom of the back changes to the "Accepted" cast list and bonus features.
Shawn's Rating: Bang ji le
Corey's Two Cents: Bang ji le
TMNT
So not every bootleg watched in China is bought on the side of the street and haggled over with a calculator. Some are downloaded from the good 'ol fashioned internet. Mainly, I use it to catch episodes of 24 and South Park that would be otherwise unavailable to me, but for this special occasion, I scored a copy of the new Ninja Turtles flick that I guess is going by the name TMNT.
Anyone that knows me knows the special place in my heart reserved for the Turtles. Pizza is my favorite food, and my favorite color is Orange thanks to Michelangelo (long before going to SU, I assure you). So suffice to say, I had high hopes for this one.
Largely, it delivers. It isn't the best movie ever by any means, but it hit all the notes I wanted it to (besides a Vanilla Ice cameo... where where they on that?). The animation is slick and cool, but maybe a little too video game like (so says Corey, and I'm inclined to agree).
I'm letting you know right now that due to lived up to nostalgia factor alone, I'm gonna give this bad boy a very high score. The plot outside the reuniting of the turtles is... thin, but all is forgiven thanks to a draw droppingly badass fight between Leonardo and Raphael that the little kid in me has been waiting for for well over a decade. It delivers, and this movie is awesome. Done and done.
Shawn's Rating: Bang ji le
Corey's Two Cents: Hen hao (probably a more realistic rating here)
AMERICAN BEAUTY
American Beauty is one of those movies that everyone in the world besides me has seen. Corey was kind enough to snag this one up off the street to show me what I had been missing out on.
And damn, I had been missing out. Beyond all the parodies that were in my head, I had little to no idea what the movie was about, so I was pleasantly surprised by all of it.
I'm going to spare everyone the long winded write up here since everyone has already seen this one, and already probably loves it.
And it's deserving of all the love, and all the Kevin Spacey, that it has.
CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Oh man... it'd seem as though this movie is old enough for the bootleggers to get their act together on this one. I can see no glaring or even moderately hilarious errors here... oh well.
Well, that's it for this installment folks but as a special treat in honor of this new feature, and because American Beauty didn't have a screwed up box, I present to you this nugget of greatness I picked up on the street.
I hear this show is HUGE in America.
Twenty Six??
Where'd they get that one?
- Shawn
2 comments:
The final two hours? A beat down of Jack on the Chinese boat...
Never before seen outside of China.
Believe me... it's brutal.
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