Bootleg Reviews: Extra Sized Final Installment!

Welcome everyone to the final batch of Bootleg Reviews to be featured on this site. When I started the reviews, they were a semi-interesting insight into the bootleg culture of China, but as they continued, they became more and more irrelevant, and the same ideas about the bootlegs were being driven home: typos galore on the back, sometimes crap quality, sometimes advertisments for a completely different movie on the box. So, as a fitting send off for this increasingly irrelevant segment, I present to you this Bonus Extra Sized Final Installment, that for the first time ever... features a movie that actually has to do with China. About time, huh?

So lets get going with a rating system that was modified as necessary since last installment's vocabulary revelations:

I don't really know what it says that this installment of Bootleg Reviews came a lot quicker than the last one. But instead of musing on inane possibilities, lets get to the movies.

The Bootlegged Chinese Vocabulary/Rating System

Bang ji le - Excellent
Hen hao - Very Good

Hao - Good *
Yi ban - Meh (so-so)
Bu hao - Bad
Cha ji le - Shit

* (New rating... needed something to actually stand for what we thought Hen hao was before...)


LOST: SEASON 2

I heard a lot of negativity surrounding Season 2, but despite some missteps with the hatch storyline, I felt that this was actually a lot stronger than the first season. Especially when the castaways capture someone that may or may not be one of their enemies. It was some of the most compelling TV I've seen in a long time.

As you can see, I'm going to keep these reviews nice and short, since we have a few movies to get through. All things considered though, Lost Season 2 cemented Lost as one of my favorite shows, and if you can handle the lack of concrete answers, I can't recomend it highly enough.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: It's the same well crafted box that we had for Season 1. Bravo Chinese Bootleggers, Bravo.

Shawn's Rating: Bang ji le
Corey's Two Cents: Bang ji le


WE ARE MARSHALL

I try to avoid the mindset that all football movie are exactly the same, but too often, that's actually the case. While We Are Marshall had many of the trappings of your average sports movie, there was a lot of heart as well. The backstory of the team's tragedies kept you invested in the story, and made sure that the highlights were off the field instead of during the game day footage.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Nothing doing here unfortunately.

Shawn's Rating: Hao
Corey's Two Cents: Hao

LOST: SEASON 3

After the second season wrapped, we were glad that season three was floating around the foreign teachers' apartments. As it stands, this is easily the best of the seasons. The DVD itself didn't have the complete season, but that's what the internet is for I guess.

The problem is, this is when Lost is going to get maddening. It had one of the best season ending cliffhangers I've seen in a while, and for the first time for this series, I'll have to wait a while on it.

In this season, you can clearly see what the show creators have been building too, and it all comes together wonderfully. The only problem is that it leaves you craving whatever comes next.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Unlike the previous two, complete, seasons this dvd box seems to be a left over Beta Tape box with some plastic shoved inside, and then the DVDs. Very... creative... packaging:

Shawn's Rating: Bang ji le
Corey's Two Cents: Bang ji le


SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE

Pirates of the Carribean 3 was crap quality. So was Shrek 3. This left me cornered and trapped, and Corey sprung with Sleepless in Seattle. I've experienced a few of these types of movies before. They're called chick flicks for a reason, so I had no reason to think I would like this one. But the word "classic" was tossed around a lot for this film, so I let myself think... hey, maybe this won't be too horrible.

Boy was I wrong. I don't see how anyone can like this movie. It's completely contrived, the character's motivations make no sense, and Meg Ryan is sort of a bitch. Really, this movie is just bad.

And you know what... if I was a girly girl, I'd still be pissed off. They don't even kiss at the end. I mean, even I noticed that.

At least when all was said and done, Corey agreed with me that this movie sort of blows.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Nada. Boring, normal box for a boring, normal movie.

Shawn's Rating: Cha ji le

Corey's Two Cents: Bu Hao

BLACK SNAKE MOAN

Easily the best movie ever with Christina Ricci chained to a radiator. This one is a hard movie to peg down, mainly because it's so strange. But at the end of the day, the story of Samuel L. Jackson trying to cure Christina Ricci of her wickedness through the power of the blues and the strength of the radiator she's chained to, is an affecting and effctive film that really takes you inside one of the stranger relationships ever put on film.

Not the strangest mind you. Keep on reading for that one.

Black Snake Moan is a very different movie, and a good one at that.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Aside from some of the coolest cover art ever, there isn't any Bootleg fun to be found here.

Shawn's Rating: Hen Hao
Corey's Two Cents: Hao

PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN: AT WORLD'S END

Wow, talk about missteps. While not quite the disaster that Spider-Man 3 was, At World's End seems to have forgotten all about what made the original Pirates movie so magical. Here, we have an overlong movie with too much plot for its own good. Not that I don't like my movies with a good plot, but when the storylines start weiging down a film it becames painfully obvious.

There is still good to be found in the almost three hours of film. Davey Jones is still cool looking, even going ashore in a bucket of water. And Monkey Jack has some good scenes as well. And lest we forget the best part of this franchise: Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow, who's scenes make this whole movie worthwhile, even if it spends way too much time on the ever-boring Kiera Knightly and Orlando Bloom.

At least the movie ends strong with the teasing possibility that the story may go on, and refocus itself on Sparrow.

Here's hoping.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Since this was borrowed, I didn't get a good look at the box. I did have three previous boxes to peruse of course, but those were terrible quality so they got tossed before I got a chance to look them over. This DVD, while still fairly poor quality also had a bunch of other blockbusters spread out over the course of two discs. No need to watch more crap movies in crap quality though. Onward!

Shawn's Rating: Yi Ban
Corey's Two Cents: Cha Ji Le


LEON - THE PROFESSIONAL



Remember what I said before about Black Snake Moan being one of the weirdest relationships in a movie ever? That doesn't hold a candle to this one. Remember what I said about Sleepless In Seattle being considered a classic? This right here is a true classic. Oh yeah, and it's a better love story too.

Natalie Portman's role as a tragic preteen drawn into the world of "cleaning" is a strong start to what became a very strong movie career, but this movie really belongs to Jean Reno who plays the classic "badass with a heart of gold" to a T. If you've overlooked or missed this one, it's a great movie that I recommend whole heartedly.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: Old enough of a movie for them to get it right it would seem...

Shawn's Rating: Bang Ji Le
Corey's Two Cents: Hen Hao


THE PAINTED VEIL



And for my last review here, I figured what the hell, might as well finally talk about a movie that actually has something to do with China.

As far as period drama/romances go, this one is slightly above average I guess, but the real joy of watching this movie was picking out the bits of Chinese that Edward Norton throws out.

I know it's a serious and somber film about the Cholera Epidemic in China, but there's something about hearing Norton say "Jigga Shuai Bu Hao" that had me laughing for a good chunk of it.

The beautiful scenery also helped get me even more excited for my upcoming trip along the Yang Zi River with my family.

CHINESE BOOTLEG DVD BOX FUN: This is one of those movies that was actually released in China, so they got it right here. Still a bootleg of course.

Shawn's Rating: Yi Ban
Corey's Two Cents: Hen Hao

And that's our show ladies and gentlemen. I hope you enjoyed this feature while it lasted, and stay tuned. I know Corey and I have been slacking on the posts as of late, but expect a bunch of interesting updates in the coming days.

Good night, and good luck.
- Shawn